Complicated

2009-02-23T15:29:00.002+08:00

It's been such a loooong time since I last blogged. I almost forgot my username or password.
I was looking through my lappy and realised my Flickr! account hasnt been used for a loooong time too. All my pictures were not up-to-date.

I am just too lazy and not really been in the mood to do so for the past one year. There has been this shitty thing on my mind. Yes. Shitty. It still bugs me from time to time. Oh well. I know I have to get rid of it. Soon soon.

Looking back, I realised how I havent been the strongest person I was in the past and how much it saddens me when I look back and realised all the good qualities I used to be proud of arent there anymore.

For one I am just too lazy...

2008-08-31T12:50:00.002+08:00

it's tough getting over someone. it is almost like impossible. the wounds still hurting. the memories will not go away. the thought of the person seems to wander in your mind all the time. u want to hear from him. u want to hear that he still feels the same. but it's miserable when u know he doesnt. it feels worst when u know he has others with him instead of you. it feels even worst when u know u are miles away.

the physical distance remains the same between one in L.A and one in singapore but you feel further away from the other.

2008-08-30T14:52:00.003+08:00

After so many years, i feel i am back to being jaded. walking around in circles. kept taking the wrong taxis. in the end back to where i started. only that i've been taken on different rides. the routes may differ and the experience on each taxi is different. through it all, i've grown and seen but still not smart enough to discern which is the right taxi to take.

it's time i should take the walk alone again. to see places on my own is alot less interesting but at least it is safer.

2008-08-25T13:15:00.002+08:00

I will never have the heart to cheat on my loved ones. I dont even have the heart to lie to them. How can someone has the heart to do that to me?

Even till now. It's tragic. I dont even know what to say.

2008-08-21T01:09:00.003+08:00

recently I met up with him for dinner. i shdnt have but i know i wanted to as well. i was trembling when we met up. inside me i was scared. i put on a brave front.

i admit i wavered after that meeting. Initially i was getting back on my feet, feeling stronger each day. no longer crying. But after we met up, he tells me things like he is not trying to get back, he is sorry..wants to change for himself and not anyone else and that he is taking my advice.

So i thought emotionally i was ready. obviously wrong. thought too highly of myself.

so now back to more confused by his pack of lies again. I cant really explain what is going on inside me. I know what is the smart decision and right thing to do but yet I allow myself to be sucked into his lies.

of course things came to this stage where he cant deny all but yet tries to cover here and there wherever possible. Just that I am so troubled by it when I cant see through what he is trying to do. I offered him a chance to get back. He didnt though. So, why want to tell me he is changing and all. Tells me dun play games. He is the one trying to play games isnt it? I dun understand.
Help....

yeah. To myself: This is the guy who cheated me right from the start..stringing me along with a pack of lies and now, what is he up to? Still lies. Why doesnt he just ends it when being found out? He doesnt want to burn any possible bridge for the future. But for now, just LIES. I certainly dont deserve a guy like him. Is quite obvious what we both want in life is different. We have different values. He is too extreme.

2008-08-16T15:45:00.003+08:00

thank goodness i have really good frens to pull thru.

u guys are right. ppl like that chose to destroy their chance and regret later in life about what they did.

liars will be liars. just takes some time to see thru them. in the meantime, i shouldnt have given that much.

sometimes i think abt what values they haf because i live by my life with principles and values. A fren told me they have none. They are jus horny fucks who cant stop at 1. So i dun have to waste my time thinking WHY they do it and how they have the heart to do so.

a fuckedup life they haf i say. at least i am clear about my own life.

"just laugh and think..they missed out"

2008-08-15T17:00:00.002+08:00

I am seriously disgusted with this bastard.

Cheated me right from the start and not just with one but 2 girls!

How disgusting can it get. And still denies it even at the very crunch.

oh well, waste of my time and effort. Am glad to have found out quickly.

2008-07-15T08:06:00.001+08:00

I hate taxi-drivers!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2008-05-25T02:30:00.003+08:00

YEAH!!! More NYC and L.A coming my way!!!! I fly direct to these places now! shiok! shopping shopping shopping....ling ling ling..i hear more money rolling in!!

Havent been writing much for a long time. Been busy with someone...hahah..well, not really in a mood to blog too because of my nail extensions..makes it hard to type..it makes hard to do anything! except my nails still looks intact and immaculate after a hong kong turn! still, the troublesome part is i have to take extra care and that slows down my work.

I am happy that i met someone recently. Perhaps it is also age and all. I know I have changed in the way I handle relationships and expectations. It is a result of the circumstances that i find myself in. He is a sweet guy and I enjoy his company. But sadly, he doesnt have time for me. Then again when I see how hard he works and how he puts in his "heart" when being with me, I told myself I am willing to withstand anything.

Perhaps it is also because I had gone through the workaholic lifestyle he has now and so I can understand. He hardly even has time for himself and yet he still tries his best to spend time with me. For one, I admire his attitude towards work for he does so without complaints nor negativity. I like my guy to be positive! His mental strength is what I am so attracted to. It makes me want to be better as well!

I really hope things will work out this time and for one, I am determined to be happy no matter what happens! To have a fulfilling relationship, both parties have to be independent and happy individuals!

コブケロ

2008-02-24T05:04:00.000+08:00

コブケロ: ここにしか咲かない花

何も無い場所だけれど　ここにしか咲かない花がある
心に括りつけた荷物を　静かに降ろせる場所

空の色映し出した　瑠璃色の海遥かから聞こえる
あなたの笑い声は　よく聞けば波の音でした

寂しさ隠せずにいるなら　一人になればいい
ささやくほどの声で呼んでいるのは　いつも同じ名前

あの優しかった場所は今でも
変わらずに　僕を待ってくれていますか？
最後まで笑顔で　何度も振り返り
遠ざかる姿に　唇かみしめた
今はこみ上げる　寂寞の思いに
潤んだ世界を　拭ってくれる指先を　待っている

影が教えてくれるのは　そこにある悲しみだけじゃない
俯く顔を上げて振り返ればそこにある光に気付くだろう

同じ数の出会いと別れ　でも割り切れなくて
余るほどの想い出をいつまでも　胸に咲かせながら

雨上がりの道は泥濘るむけれど
今ここに　生きている証を刻むよ

どうかこの涙を　しおれかけの花に
喜びの彼方で　もう一度咲けるように
願いは海風に　吹かれて大空へ

やがて小さな　虹をわたるよ　いつの日か　その足で

(ここにしか咲かない花　ここにしか吹かない風
ここでしか聴けない歌　ここでしか見えないもの…)

あの優しかった場所は今でも
変らずに　僕を待ってくれていますか？
ふいにこみ上げる寂寞の想いに
潤んだ世界を拭ってくれる
雨上がりの道は泥濘るむけれど
今ここに　生きている証を刻むよ

いつかこの涙も　寂寞の想いも
忘れ去られそうな　時代の傷跡も
燦然と輝く　あけもどろの中に
風が運んで　星にかわる　そんな日を　待っている

Breakfast at Mac in New York

2008-02-24T03:02:00.002+08:00

I am beginning to loathe cold weathers..change is the only thing that stays..i used to like and welcome cold weathers after being in Singapore since birth but now, i just dislike going out in the cold..especially when it is minus something degrees outside..

Writing from New York now on a Saturday evening 2pm here..back home should be around 3am Sunday morning..

anyway, it has been a couple of months since I came New York and was really looking forward to coming back here but I found myself staying in the room most of the time here just to keep myself warm..well, it isnt so bad since the telly programs in the states are really good.i get to watch shows and sitcoms which I have missed.

As a matter of fact, I have lotsa stuff which have been overdued..various readings and my revision for Jap hasnt been keeping up...of course and my beauty sleep!!

There is something I must share here..It disturbs me quite abit especially when it was the first thing I encountered in the morning.

I was having my breakfast in Mcdonalds' off W55 ST when a man came around asking for 50cents to have his breakfast..of course it wasnt enough and he was begging from table to table..

I didnt give him any and I would have if it was back home..but overseas, I am just very careful to open my wallet unless I am purchasing something over at a counter..even so, I am also very careful. And I have a habit of travelling on my own, going out shopping or having my meals alone so for a Chinese girl going on her own in the States, one has to be extra careful. So, it disturbs me when I saw this old man begging around for money inside Mcdonalds'.

2 thoughts came across my mind. 1, Is the states so free that beggars can beg inside shops? 2, My heart goes out to him but he didnt look that poor and shabbily dressed to be a beggar so what kind of life is he going through that he has to beg?

Consequently my mind was thinking if only I am able to introduce Nichiren Daishonin's Buddhism to him..perhaps he is able to live a happier life without having that insecurity of having to beg for breakfast..then i realised that maybe he doesnt have that presence of mind that this is insecure or unhappy at all..maybe he has mental illness as he appeared so...i pity him really and not just him...having travelling to various countries made me seen so many people just like him..

Each time I walk passed these people and watching them lying down in the cold streets begging for money makes me feel sorry for them. I feel even worst when I dont help but giving money and I also feel worst when I do give them because I dont know if I am doing what I should when I give. Perhaps when I donate, I am not really doing them right. I always wonder what kind of life they went through and why do they have to beg.

Back in Singapore i know it isnt quite right to donate to those beggars or peddlers because if anything at all, to help them is to go through the right channels like social services or something because the system in singapore doesnt encourage beggars and i personally believe that the best way for these people is to help them find something that can sustain them in the long run instead too.

However, overseas, it is a different story but in the states, doesnt they have more social welfare than us?

*sigh* anyhow, that sight kinda spoilt my appetite when I was so looking forward to my deluxe breakfast at Mac.

2008-01-15T04:54:00.000+08:00

Back home for a few days now. I have a habit of soaking myself in bath tub overseas..so shiok..damn emo or if one calls it romantic to soak oneself in a bath tub with dim lights and emo music playing from the laptop...

but somehow i get a headache from it. breathless too.

right now i feel am so down. been feeling this way for a couple of months now. it jus doesnt seem to go away. i know it is a void that i am feeling. on the other hand, i know i should be happy with the way things are going for me. been free and buying a car i like..having lotsa friends, seeing the world, learning a language, having a supportive and loving family but yet i feel so lonely at times.

friends that who were once so close now seem so far. because of work schedules, or they have their bfs to be with or their own friends i hardly get to meet them. i meet new people but yet i feel so alone.

i drive home down the highway with the breeze blowing and music playing is enjoyable but yet feels so lonely.

sigh. i know i am jus down. it doesnt matter what is going on around me because it is me feeling down.

2007-12-07T15:15:00.001+08:00

I am constantly telling myself.."Wake up from your f*cking world!!"

2007-11-29T04:14:00.000+08:00

Alot has happened these 2 months..I have also met alot of people these months..and to come to know that we have so many common friends with them, it is just scary..the world is so small..

I just cant believe i drunk dialed again and actually to think of it, i dunno what made him so upset. Was it me drinking and saying things that upsets him or was it me drinking?

It was the a drunk dialed that got us started and now it is also drunk dialed that causes him to end things. Ironic isnt it?

I feel like my mind is spinning. Not only from the medication for the flu bug i caught but the mess I have created for my personal life.

First, as friends, you guys know I can drink yes but all i am not one who likes to do so all the time..it is just that i always have friends calling me to party with them..it makes me happy to make merry with them especially overseas but on the other hand, if it is fucking up my relationships with others or even creating a mess of my life, i really have to take a step back and reflect what the fuck is happening!

I mean if i want to, I know i can take care of myself but i admit i like him taking care of me so much that i do things that caused him to worry about me.

At the end of the day it is a pity that I havent been myself totally and destroy what is left between him and me because of that.

Ever since all these partying started, I havent been reflecting for a long time. It is like suddenly my habits changed altogether.

For one, I stopped doing the things i enjoyed doing - attending japanese classes.
I also stopped chilling out on my own and doing my own things overseas because there's always people distracting me to go drinking, partying..

i guess partly why i wanted company is also because I would be distracted and not think about the helpless situation between him and me previously.

I mean how helpless can it get when you're in love with someone who has a girlfriend rite. hey, i didnt know ok..it was too late when i realised i fell for him..it was simply a company of new friends I enjoy hanging out with initially and i still do..then i realised I develop feelings for him..i dunno why but it seems to me that he didnt behave he has a girlfriend..ok, my fault for not asking..so yeah, somewhere down the road, things happen between us and it wasnt what i expected after I knew he is attached..

on my side it is like obviously i am on the losing end..like being a 3rd party..it is just horrible of me to do something like this to another girl rite..i dun wanna be in her situation..but of course, what she doesnt know wont hurt her yet, it is just not right..

and yes, this 3rd party thing..his friends and him i am not..but i dun understand why i am not when the situation is clear that i am..hmm..i am still puzzled by that..something i cant see the light..

anyway, what make things worst is actually i feel i dunno what he has on his mind that is killing me..i know that perhaps he himself doesnt know too and obviously this girlfriend isnt the one for him rite? if not why would one stray? I wont for sure when i am with someone..and if i do stray, i know obviously this person that i am seeing isnt who i wanna be with and i will end things..but he isnt going to end things with her so what am i left? i always ask myself what should i do?

i like him tooo much to go..but i also like him tooo much to stay..know what i mean? when i said i just want us to be happy because it is like that is what it should be when 2 persons are together..but when i think of the situation, it makes me feel so unhappy..i know it isnt easy on his side too..yet, i wish he will know what he wants..i mean to be selfish, he obviously dont think this girlfriend is ultimately right for him so why not just take the brave step to end things? ok, i am being damn selfish here...

anyway, feel much better after writing all these shit..

bottom line is i like him soooo much! and yeah, i have to lead a life that i want and not to be so affected by these such that i lose myself along the way!

remember that relationships are when 2 strong individuals come together to share a life far greater than themselves...

meanwhile, to look at things on a bigger picture, there are so many things going on in the world far larger than my little problem here...my heart goes out for them...especially those who lost their loved ones..i can imagine that grief and hurt..and those facing serious problems that seems to go on forever..i wish i can give them my strength and my perseverance..yes! that is what i have in abundance! hahah

actually, knowing that he has me in his heart is really comforting enough for me at this point..am down in hong kong with a flu bug now..and i can feel his concern for me already..those times spent together in manchester was really sweet...did i say before that i like the way he cares for me? awww...really, that's one thing i am so drawn to him..i mean perhaps it is like what kind of guy one always have in mind and when you meet him..you feel like this is right...and i feel that way whenever I am with him...especially the way he cares for me..

to be honest, thinking back..i dunno what did i do that made him so angry that night..but i know i wont push him anymore..or at least i wont drunk dial anymore!

Unexpected

2007-10-24T04:57:00.000+08:00

Like a little girl, being sweetly in love is such a bliss. Just to know I am in your heart, occupying your thoughts is good enough. Love is so unexpected. Is what you have for me an infatuation? I dont know. Neither do you I think. But just all these is good enough for me. Because I never expected anything. I never expected it to be to returned. I never expected myself to be able to express all these to you too. You're right, let's just be happy and cherish each other.

2007-10-21T23:23:00.000+08:00

Coffee hair-raisingly strong? Add milk.

Hmm...I always wonder why!

2007-09-13T06:57:00.001+08:00

I spoke to Aaron on msn a while ago and he asked if i was still blogging. Actually, i stopped blogging and told myself not to do so. Simply because alot of what is written is just private and blogs are subjected to people's judgement which I dont like it at all.

Nevertheless, after writing a long email to one of my comrades, I realised I still feel so much better writing what I have in mind and not just bottling all up. Although I have been sharing my thoughts and feelings with my close friends, verbal communication is still different from writing everything down. Writing helps me to put down my thoughts in proper and it makes me feel alot better too.

So here i am back again!

Where shall i start from...

Right now, i am writing from Cape Town. It is a beautiful place and i realised it has been 10 yrs since i last came here with my parents. With what my parents are going through now, i really appreciate those little holidays that they have brought me and although South Africa was the furthest i have been then, i realised it must have cost them alot then. Thank you daddy and mommy! I love you guys so much.

Suddenly, i feel that I dont know what i have been doing all these years in love. I dont really have any problems or lack of confidence in handling other aspects of my life such as career, family but my greatest trouble is love. I am really weak at it and being in and out of relationships over the years, i am sure this is my greatest weakness!

A few mths back, someone forced himself into my life and being one who miss having a companion, I gave in and gradually begin to like him and love him, accepting his weaknesses and all. Then he walked out of my life.

But looking back, I havent been the best person I could have in this relationship. This makes me frustrated and angry with myself because I have not learnt through past relationships. Up to this point, there is no use pointing fingers on who was right or wrong but it is just a regret that I feel which the relationship did not work out and the greatest regret i have in my heart is that those principles or actions which would have saved this relationship, I have not shown it even though they were what I used to share with Mark. The reason why the relationship with Mark could have lasted for so many years was that we worked on our relationship pretty hard and there were underlying principles and actions that made us the best person we were. It brought out the best we were.
However, my subsequent relationships, it seems that I didnt know what I was doing. I was just basking in the ecstacy of being in love, having a companion to do the couple things etc. I know at the back of my mind, i was looking for a partner but I failed to really take a look at whether I was developing myself.

My relevation of why my relationships failed is that I have not been the best person I could have been. It is like I have a certain potential qualities or weaknesses that I could have overcome but I have not focus on that. Because of this, even if I have found the best partner, it wouldnt work out. The dynamics would still fail.

It is like I became a different person after being in love because I did not focus on developing myself further. It is like i stopped growing. And when you stop growing, you stagnate. Stagnating doesnt just mean not advancing. It is actually regressing. And so day by day, without being aware, devils climb into me and I became such a horrible person!

My friend tells me I have alot of expectations on my partner as oppose to my friends which makes me an easy going friend but not as a girlfriend. I reflected on that and i know it is true. Yet i also question, should we not and isnt it common to have high expectations of a partner? I may not have behaved the best i could in certain situations with my boyfriend with my bad temper but does that mean i should not expect too? I guessed so. I remember Mark telling me before that if one does not expect, one will not get disappointed. And somehow i understand that my anger rises from my disappointment in my partner when certain expectations were not met.

What if all these could have been avoided if the question is whether the partner we had is suitable for us or not? Then again, even the most suitable one like Mark took alot of hard work if i still fail to develop my own growth.

Will I know when I am ready to be in a relationship again? It is like there is this behavioural pattern when i fall in love with someone...I lose myself and the other party feels we are not suitable and leaves again or vice versa?

2007-07-08T03:23:00.000+08:00

i am so confused.

i am in a mess!

2007-05-26T06:27:00.000+08:00

It's funny how some things can trigger emotions in a person. It's always been at the back of my mind and time allows me to put that aside and be happy. To all my dear friends who have been most concerned about me, thank you! I have been very happy being single and all. Enjoying all the things that makes me gay.

Perhaps it was the Happy Lisa that attracts you..I have no idea what makes u so attracted to me..perhaps it is just a crush that you have and I am happy to get all that attention from you dude! But I am in no condition ready for anything serious. Unlike guys, I cant be with another to forget the past nor move on...unless...maybe I have not fallen in love yet..perhaps someday when I really fall in love with someone else, I'll forget the past, I'll forget him. Still, I must say, I am flattered..

Having said that, this whole issue just reminded me of him and the past..it is at first objective and detached..but now that time is drawing near..I'm afraid I sense his presence when the time comes and being reminded of having someone else in the picture then, I am once again sad and heartbroken..disappointed i should say. Lots and lots of disappointment. But I ask myself why.. have I not forgotten all that I felt for him? Why does this pain seems so familiar? Why does it take forever to go away? It has been so many months..

When you showered me with all the sweet-nothings, I wished it was him. The feeling of being wanted is desirable indeed but how i wished it was him. Emotions aside, reality check. It's not gonna happen with everything else that took place. I was afterall, being replaced by someone else in his heart.

These teardrops, thank goodness, hasnt seen the world for many months! Even if you a just a step away, I cant turn because I'm stuck, stuck in this little sad world of mine. But you've made me felt loved which I hasnt felt it for the longest time..thank you..

2007-03-31T20:21:00.000+08:00

“Have patience with everything that remains unsolved in your heart. Try to love the questions themselves, like locked rooms and like books written in a foreign language. Do not now look for the answers. They cannot now be given to you because you could not live them. It is a question of experiencing everything. At present you need to live the question. Perhaps you will gradually, without even noticing it, find yourself experiencing the answer, some distant day."

~Rainer Maria Rilke

My new haircut!!!!!

2007-02-28T00:33:00.000+08:00

2007-02-15T01:47:00.000+08:00

The renumeration of my job is really amazingly fat! I certainly have no regrets taking on this job. For the hours and no-stress except for time, it is a well-paid job and the opportunity to shop in every part of the world!

I have come to a realization that although it is satisfying to buy all the pretty things in the world, it is scary! Sometimes i catch myself having the same scary habit as others whenever I am out and the thought of having to buy something comes along in my head. It is not healthy I feel. Girls dont have to always shop. We dont have to buy something every time. It is good to pamper ourselves once in a while but to do so often is just spoilt! Bad habits like these take a day to form but take forever to get rid. When one day we find ourselves in need of money urgently for emergency or when we are not able to earn as much as before, we will certainly regret being such a spendthrift.

I am trying to curb my own spending right now because with the amount of money here and there, it is almost impossible to keep track of how much I spent! goodness and i wonder where did the money go to.....

Goals in life are important in helping us stay on track and keeping to those requires discipline...while discipline requires constant reminders...

2007-02-03T16:04:00.000+08:00

It has been about 2 years since I've stepped into Perth. I almost forgot how it looked like until I walked around in the city area.

The only difference is it is damn hot! This is the only place at this time of the year that is damn hot...I dont even want to step out of my hotel room..it is like 40 degrees? compared to my last flight...it was London.. bloody big difference!

i still heart cold climate even though i break out with cold rashes but yeah, it makes one feel better..then again, i dont mind the sunny weather when I get to read under the sun by the pool..it is gooooood..

I am not feeling the pain anymore..all thanks to my comrades in faith..and to Sensei's guidance as well as my daily 2 hours of daimoku..i must keep it up.

Like what Sensei says, to like someone, I'll just keep him in my heart and move on. With what I am striving for, happiness will come to me, i dont have to fight for it.

Well, i have done my share of reflections and all and I must admit, I have not been the best I could but I will from this moment on.

Meanwhile, back to reading my book by the pool and watching my dvds in the comfort of the air conditioned hotel room...heh..

Men are bastards

2007-01-24T01:53:00.000+08:00

I'm tired. very tired. emotionally, mentally and last physically. I have been going through emotional roller-coaster for quite a few months now. To be honest, it has been 3 mths? close.

where should i start? hmm. yeah, this will be a juicy post i guess.

i dunno where to start because i feel so tired, so drained.

i am both hurt, angry and sad. For what he has done to me, I should have shoot his brains out if I had a gun. Yeah, violence is what makes me scary. go ahead. I can be scarier. Be afraid of me u bastards out there, so u will learn not to be a bastard to others. Dont ask what he did to me. He knows, I know, the universe at large knows. The law of cause and effect in Buddhism is strict.

The love of my life is such an irony. I thought i met the one for me..everything seems so right..i almost settled down with him. No wait. I would have and I wont regret if he stayed the way he was when I fell in love with him.

Now, he has changed. He's no longer the man i used to love.

My good friend Mel has said this to me, "well, let's just say that we dont compare who's better or worse, let's gather ur energy and hope for a better one to come along. the next one doesnt need to be BETTER than these two guys, what matters is he's able to make u happy, in a different way..."

I sometimes pity myself. I give my all for the one I love so much but yet I hurt myself so much in the process of it all. For what? To learn what a bastard you are?

I certainly do not deserve all these.

The road ahead is long and painful but I will be strong. As what shaun puts it, i have to, for those who love me dearly.

hmmm...

2007-01-03T14:24:00.000+08:00

I am feeling...

new year resolutions

2007-01-03T03:45:00.000+08:00

Oh, it's a happy NEW YEAR. A fresh start for me? Yes and no.

My new year resolutions :

1. To not have my roster clash with my meetings.
2. To save $.............
3. To finish 10 books on gakkai
4. To shakabuku at least 1
5. To have a problem-free relationship
6. To quit ......
7. Visit the dentist at least 2x
8. To bring my family for a holiday
9. To visit my granny every week
10. To do my daily 2 hour daimoku for a year

2007-01-03T03:20:00.000+08:00

"Friendship, precious in any form, is more ennobling when it is based on a common belief in some great cause. Purely worldly friendship, though often beautiful and valuable, does not always go deep;it may disintegrate in the face of difficulties and adversities. Friendship between people of common faith, however endures anything and inspires the friends to risk their very lives in the struggle toward their common goal."

It is very true as the years go by and i reflect on the various friendships that i've forged in my life. Each friendship is different and valuable in its own way. However, when the very common basis of which the friendship thrive on is gone, the friendship seems to reach its end. It will someday burn brightly again depending on what fuels the friendship again. On the other hand, if it is based on a common belief in a great cause which is the very backbone in one's life, it will stand the test of time and in face of difficult times.

I cannot thank those friends who stood by me giving me their utmost support by being there for me knowing that i am in my lowest point. Without them, I can't ride those difficult times which were killing me. It robbed me of my ability to do anything. Honestly, I dont wish to go through those heartaches again but life has both opposite for us to experience. This time round, I want myself to build a strong inner self with indestructible life force that no matter what may come, I will be able to pick myself up faster and in a less painful way.

It is depressing to think about my situation right now which I dunno when it will end. I dunno which is more depressing, waiting, not knowing when it is going to end or the negative reply. I am someone who does not like to be passive because my very life philosophy is based on "destiny lies in our own hands" so i believe in taking action and not waiting passively. Hence, this whole thing is just killing me. On the other hand, what i can do is not what I want so i can only wait.

Slowly but surely, it robs my love away bit by bit which I am most afraid that one day, when what I have waited and wanted does happen, I would probably be unable to reciprocate those feelings. Does he know that this may happen by doing what he is doing now? Nope. Why? Because I dunno how to tell him. It will only add unnecessary pressure I guessed. When it happens, i guessed it is just too bad.

Aside, Hong Kong is a nice place to eat and shop and I've always wanted to make my way here. Now that I am here, I am most happy. Next sector is to SFO which I'm also looking forward to re-visit the place. Food makes one happy. Food brings hope. *grins*

Beautiful as it seems

2006-12-22T21:27:00.000+08:00

It hasnt been all that smooth sailing for me this dec. I've gone down and under for most of the month and i wonder if I'll still feel the same. It has been an emotional roller-coaster ride for me. Still, the beautiful places I've been too have cheered me up quite abit.

I have managed to meet up with my friends from all over the world which I never thought I'll see them again.

(This is taken in a restaurant in Frankfurt where by dear friends have brought me..)

(Here, we took a picture right after we had drinks in Seoul. It had been more than a year since we met..my dear Oobas..)

The following are pictures I took in ROME..

This post is just about pictures pictures and more pictures to remind myself how good life has been to me and that I should not be sad about what I do not have. Instead, i should focus my energy on what I already had.

I have gone to places I have never dreamt before and most of all, I have bought myself all the things that I have always been wanting for the past year.

As I looked back on my wish list, I have fulfilled 80%!!

My new ipod, my new camera, my new lappy and it is literally new because all my life, i have never touched a Mac before and here I am using it..heh..

I love the comfort of having my own laptop!

I guessed i could have bought all these in a span of time rather than all in one shot but yet, I chose to burn a hole in my pocket and then wait for it to recover. I cant resist. I guessed it is a way of making myself feel better to having what should have been mine. And i know these things will always be mine.

I am not really in a mood to write but if I do not do it now, I wonder if I'll ever pen my feelings down. Over the past few months, ever since this job started, I have bottled up alot of my thoughts. It is not healthy but yet, it is worst to blog these down.

Hence, I convinced myself to have a laptop to have my feelings kept in here.

On the hind sight, I should really be happy coz life can only be better in time to come. Over the last few years, I have overcame alot of personal struggles and of coz, I must say more to come, especially health issues given my current lifestyle.

Still, I believe nothing is impossible and that I will triumph!!

(Vatican City and the inside of it)

(The Pantheon..)

(The Fountain...it's where we our wishes will come true..I certainly hope mine would)

(Ahem..I cant remember what is this..I think it is one of buildings in Rome..hahah. everywhere in Rome has buildings of this kind. It is that beautiful!)

The rest are pictures in Zurich...

On the top of Mount Titlis...

And with Syarin in the mountains..manz..it was coooold!!!

Baby hit me one more time..

2006-12-01T09:13:00.000+08:00

It has finally hit me..i'm off to a new start from this hour.

it's funny how time is not always on our side. it's even more ridiculous how our decisions can change one's life.

to my dear friends who stood by me, a BIG thank you. *hugs*

When the world expects u to be strong, you just have to be strong..no, stronger.

2006-11-22T15:22:00.000+08:00

It's been great travelling. Recently from Beijing, met up and had fun touring with Ron. In Frankfurt, I had fun meeting Martin and Alex. Even taught me how to say simple German and best of all, the apple wine..cheers to friends from all over the world!

With Mao, Ron and her bf

Teahouse in beijing

2006-11-05T00:53:00.000+08:00

Now is one of those times that I feel down. For reasons that I do not know. Probably that's why I am feeling down! heh.

Jaded? Dunno. Sad? Dunno.

Anyhow, that's when I wished someone dear stays close to my faraway home in Woodlands. Bloody hell. It feels like no one stays here except me. No one to go with me for a drink or something. Everywhere else is too far.

The only thought that perks me up is to pick up my Japanese and Korean languages again. Somehow learning something always makes me feel rejuvenated. Weird.

Otherwise, there is my financial books from uni. Learning them again makes me feel excited. Ok, i think I am weird.

Time to pack for my shanghai trip now.

I miss you...

2006-11-05T00:49:00.000+08:00

I miss having you around lazying at home.
I miss having you out with me eating and window shopping.
I miss your corny jokes.
I miss your crazy laughter at home.
I miss your witty perspectives on things.
I miss talking to you late into the night.
I miss playing scramble with you.
I miss having you around at home when the TV is showing a horror flick or a ghost story.
I miss squabbling with you.
I miss your nonsense.

I miss you, my dear sister.

Tower Bridge

2006-10-04T16:16:00.000+08:00

Tower Bridge
Originally uploaded by HappyHappyLisa.

I love the buildings in London!

Complex creature is back

2006-09-13T13:13:00.000+08:00

It's about time I revisited my own writings.

I sit here, in front of the computer, staring at the screen and down to my keyboard, wondering what I can write about. Honestly, I have stopped writing.

First, there is the code of conduct to follow in my profession.

Second, I have went back to the old ways of having all the thoughts in my mind, sorting them out in my mind and even sharing with my loved ones, thereby thinking and straightening things out.

So, there really isnt a need for me to blog anymore.

Then again, I realised I missed typing out my thoughts.

Through these months, I've enriched my own life with lots of experiences. They all came from my profession. Along the way, I've been through from being confused, angry to accepting, adopting an even more positive mindset and even gained new insights.

I've decided to stick to this job for as long as I can. I dont think I'll make plans to leave. As much as there isnt much "technical difficulties" to this job, (The beginning is difficult but once you get the hang of it, this job is easy) I must say, this job is experiencing LIFE itself. I thought about going back to audit many times especially when trivial issues come up and people make a fuss out of it and especially those times where I meet people who simply do not use their brains at all(ok, humbility is my greatest asset) I just wished I am in a workplace with more important issues to worry about. It is then that I realised, by doing so, I am simply just escaping from LIFE. I mean, there are all kinds of people everywhere. Who says audit do not have stupid people? Ha. If I were to simply move to another line, I would still meet people like that because it is in my fate to deal with people of this nature.

In fact, by meeting people of this nature, I learnt something. I learnt not to be like them. I learnt to be more aware of myself and I begun to understand myself even further. I learnt how to deal with my own emotions and how to respond to people.

In my own personal relationships, things are pretty happy between me and sista. We communicate and we understand each other so we make efforts to interact with each other on a close level. As for my Dear, I miss him alot. In the past, I believed that physical presence makes a whole lot of difference in a romance and I still believe in that now. In another 2 months, it would have been 4 months since we have not seen each other. However, it is amazing that our individual personal growth seems to be on the increase simultaneously. It makes our relationship grow too. Things that I have been overcoming, he is also experiencing similiar situations. We both promised to do our very best in our own fields. Of course, we have our little fights as well since it is only natural because emotions make us humans. However, what is most important is that we learn and grow.

In reading S.U.M.O(Shut Up, Move On) I realised that I have not been given Hippo Time when I needed it in communicating with Dear and that leads to our little fights. Being the strong and independent me, guys always think that I can handle everything. They are half right. What they do not realise that it is Hippo Time that I needed and not answers to the problems I have on hand.

It is said that it is alright to make mistakes but we should not be making repeated mistakes as it simply means that we have not learn from those mistakes. In the past, I have always vent my anger on my parnter when I feel frustrated, now, it seems that although it is not as bad as in the past but it still happens. My Inner Critic ask me what is wrong with me? Why have I not learn? It is at this point that S.U.M.O provides good advice which I apply and perhaps that is the answer to how I can learn to let go on trivial issues and that is, On a scale of 1-10, how would you rate this issue? It is then that I know how to respond to that issue knowing that it is not that important. But I realised that some issues just need more Hippo Time and at that moment, I may feel that that issue is an 8 and after some days of Hippo Time, that issue becomes a 2. Yes, it is complex. Well, this is human being. They are all complex creatures.

So much for S.U.M.O. Need to get going. Just got back from Beijing and now, I'm off to Nagoya! Ahem, more exciting places coming up! heh.

2006-08-06T15:44:00.000+08:00

First it was increase in taxi fare. Then comes the bus fare and MRT rides.
Damn. My taxi rides cost me so much more nowadays. It does hit me harder than anything else coz I'm such a cab-queen now.... =(

Ok, so what about my pay? Any increase? It takes much longer for market rates to rise in the commercial sector for manpower pay lor. As it is already, civil servants are paid better. Damn.

Anyway, money aside. I'm going to be a certified first-aider soon!

Censorship

2006-08-04T23:52:00.000+08:00

Hmph. As you can see, i've deleted some entries on my blog. They were in regards to my job/company...just found out about how strict policies are...and the repercussions in violating those rules...well, what can i say? I sold myself to the company.

Anyway, thanks babes for the suggestions as to what I can do in those places! Would take time out for them.

Shagged.

Blog another day.

2006-07-15T15:31:00.000+08:00

I am finally back in my own comfortable home sweet home! This is my 1st weekend at home..but i am sick..the flu bugger wont go away!

There's so much about work for me to share and get it off my chest and I wish I could do it here but I cant reveal anything regarding my work or company here.

All I can say is that I am trying my best each day to stay positive but sometimes, I'm very tired when all forces are going against it and I feel that my positive energy is running out. I wonder how long can I stay sane. Luckily, I dont have to face those insane people 24 hours a day!

I need to re-charge myself.

2006-07-02T01:25:00.000+08:00

I've got my ring!!!! heh..my SK diamond ring! It is pretty..and the best thing is, it cant be found in Singapore!

Another 3 more days before Dear leaves singapore...so sad...but i'll always have him in my heart..coz I'm taking over his room!!! hahahahha...yeah..no more travelling to work in wee hours...

Training updates..well, nothing much yet, except exams coming up in a week...need to study..but not that worried..just need time to do so. Am looking forward to what is coming up for training. Went through some things in the company's intranet. I am really happy with this company!

Just sad to be away from my dear.......

2006-06-24T15:54:00.000+08:00

This is hilarious!!!!!

2006-06-18T19:37:00.000+08:00

Gosh. It's been a while since I've written anything here.

Somehow I feel I've lost control of my life abit. I cant get to idle and do the stuff I wanna do. My day starts from 5.30am till 11pm 5 days a week. Weekends arent any better with my body adjusted to the biological clock of habitually waking up early in the morning.

My mind keeps telling myself repeatedly that I'm tired but after a day
s work, I still insist on going out instead of heading home to get rested for the following day, reason being, I am aware of the lack of time for me to chill. It doesnt help but make things worst by creating a vicious cycle until the day I decided to go home and get rested.

Did I say I hate regular hours-job? Thank God it is only for a couple of months.

There has been regular sharing sessions at work with my other trainee-colleagues on our views, feelings and opinions of each other. I cant help but feel that I am going ahead everyday with my instincts rather than thinking things through and that I should be the master of my mind instead.

Things at home were rough for early part of the week. Dear and me made a terrible mistake last week and now, I'm facing the music which has an impact on us getting the message across to my family. - what message? - tying the knot.

I brought up the idea to my family last night and so glad that I did before I give them a shock by coming back with a ring on my finger, which hasnt take place yet. (so relax people.) heh. Ahem, response was : an interview with the parents is needed, especially with Dad. I am totally unaware that something like that existed and that it is still practised today!

What interview? As far as I can remember, it will be about my husband-to-be's future plans : career, what type of housing he providing and since in this case, my Dear is going to NZ to pursue his degree, I think my parents would be very concerned about how sincere he is blah blah blah.

Looking from my parents' point of view, I have no objections to what is about to take place. Just that my poor Dear is so nervous about it! heh. oh yes, I gave hints to his examination questions so that he wont be caught unexpected. hahaha.

I have confidence in Dear that given his sincere and honest personality, he should not face any problems. Yet somehow, I must say i'm also nervous about it because I know my dad can be such a difficult person. What's more it is my first time encountering this!

try me if u dare!

2006-06-01T16:02:00.000+08:00

There is a force trying to stop me from starting my new job..

Mid last mth was supposedly my first day at work but halfway through my never-ending journey, i wanted to vomit on the train..so back to my nest...

and now, 2 more weeks later, i am down with fever again!!! argh..

yes, u! the evil force..no way u gonna stop me from working....muahahhahahah

Wake up wake up!

2006-05-29T01:45:00.000+08:00

Today, I received a clear wake-up call. Not literally. One of the most important wake-up calls in my life that enables me to change my life and change my family's karma.

I am most happy that my dear has joined me in my gakkai activities and that he has come to know this great buddhism. It is because I really want him to be happy and I hope from now on, with this buddhism, he will be able to build a tower of happiness for himself and those around him!

Strict guidance received today was the wake-up call that strengthens my faith and spurs me on to work even harder for the happiness of others and myself. As I look back at my own actions and that which I have caused others around me to be sad or upset, I apologise to my own lives.

"One should take responsibility for your situation. Everything depends on yourself to change it. Wisdom is the key. Instead of praying blindly to an object of worship, practise Nichiren Daishonin's Buddhism to gain that wisdom. Problems in life serve as a springboard and not obstacles in our life. Little problems on a bigger picture are signals to us. Everything is a mirror image of our life."

That is the way, is it?

2006-05-27T11:43:00.000+08:00

I met up with ~~a friend~~ friends yesterday for drinks. I was there to meet an old friend but saw many others instead. Time to play catch up with the others soon.

Anyway, back to my old friend. I have been putting off a meetup with her recently after I found out that she got attached. It was something weird that I felt, something that till today, I cant describe what it is that I felt. I was even more puzzled after last night. In fact, to be honest, I didnt feel comfortable at all. The thing is, over these years, it was rare for her to call me up. I remembered it was almost me trying to keep the friendship going for years. This time round, she had took the initiative to contact me for almost 3 weeks of which I was reluctant to meet her. Taking away the fact that I'm uncomfortable with her new status, I am most happy to have her as a lovely friend. But the uneasiness in me is too much for me to ignore. Still, I know that it would take me some time, if I ever come to terms with that uneasiness.

Well, the story goes :

Before I met my boy (my sweetie), I was still swinging single and I met up with this old friend for drinks. It was just the 2 ladies trying to find a place to have drinks and enjoy a night out. We settled at Wine Bar which later on, by coincidence, she met her cousin and his friends. A round of introduction was done and shortly, we joined them at the table. Now, by the end of the night, I found myself oddly attracted to his guy in the group. I said oddly because as I try to analyse what about him that attracted me to him, I have no fucking idea. Till today. (Thank God things didnt happen between us) heh. I was pretty sure I did not misread his signals. Anyway, after drinks, both he and I ended up for supper while my old friend joined someone else for the ride home. I still remembered clearly that this guy whom I was attracted to told my old friend to go home. Odd, I thought. But I brushed it off and read it as then maybe it is that he wasnt attracted to her.

The next time, we met again Holland V for drinks and this time round, this guy was there too. I then realised that he has been meeting my old friend for lunches. I thought he was attracted to her and when it was mentioned to my old friend, she brushed it off almost telling me that it was nothing since, she has a boyfriend then and this guy knew that.

That night was bad. I felt horrible. As I recalled now, what was I thinking? Was it a result of being single for long that I felt as if unwanted that resulted me to behave that way? I remembered I cried alot that night. Frankly, I hardly know this guy, I had no fucking idea why was I even attracted to him then. So, why was I even crying? Ah. Perhaps, it is not getting what I wanted? He told me that he was sorry if he misled me in anyways and that he admitted to liking my old friend but that she has a boyfriend.

The next day, I wasnt feeling anything about the whole issue or towards this guy anymore. In fact, there was nothing. It wasnt an issue but I had no idea why it was an issue that night. So when my old friend called and asked if I called him again, I felt absurd because it didnt cross my mind to do so. In fact, I moved on as if that didnt take place at all.

I didnt meet my old friend for a long time after that. Usual since she hardly ever calls me up.

Then, a few months back, she called to meet me. I was out with my boy. (Yes, I met my boy already by then!) She said she had something to tell me and that she was attached to that guy. I was shocked. In my mind, it wasnt suppose to happen. She had a boyfriend then.

Anyhow, a few months had passed. And I've met her last night. It was all talk about boyfriends. Alot about that guy she's seeing. Frankly, I dont have a good feeling about him. On one hand, I am happy for her that perhaps, she has found someone suitable, yet, on the other hand, I dont have a good feeling about this guy. Was it me being bitter over what has happened? Maybe. Maybe not.

But I cant help but feel perhaps, the time has come and that fate decides which friendship is staying and which is not. A pity but I no longer feel comfortable with my old friend anymore. I am constantly reminded of what happened and that it wasnt supposed to take place. I am saddened that something like that has to happen. Perhaps time will help.

Was it you trying to find out more about what happened back then when you asked details of the past? I cant help but feel last night's meeting was all about him and not about how each of us is getting along. Yet, I appreciate your efforts for it is for the sake of friendship that you're doing this. I appreciate it.

Phew. Finally it is off my chest. This matter has been bugging me for months. So odd that I cant put it to words and here it is. An entry on my blog dedicated to it. Ha.

At the end of the day, whatever makes one happy is that matters. I found my sweetie whom I know I am most probably going to spend the rest of my life with and, by your words, you think that guy maybe is also doing to be the guy you gonna marry, then there is no issue of too soon to tell isnt it? All the best.

2006-05-26T13:53:00.000+08:00

The house-maker in me cooked dinner for my whole family which includes my dear too! heh.

We had fish soup, bitter-gourd with eggs and deep-fried wo xiang. Fish soup was superb, thumbs up from my soup-expert sis and my dear, of course while Mummy loves the wo xiang. heh. As for dad, he's just happy he doesnt need to cook nor wash up dishes. hmph.

For dessert, we had durian and my sour lychee. hmph. kena cheated.

2006-05-26T12:48:00.000+08:00

I'm still having a heart attack.

That was the boldest thing I've ever done!

I cant forget how scary it was..the thought of being found out and being caught red-handed is sooooo scary!!!!

My rule : Die die also deny.

2006-05-19T14:05:00.000+08:00

I am in love with a man who can finish a whole pack of dry-salted plums in an hour. That pack usually last me for a week....AKU CINTA PADA MU!!

Genki Genki

2006-05-19T13:22:00.000+08:00

Yokatta yokatta!!! Genki Genki deshita ne! Kyo watashi ga genki deshita!

Good health is indeed very precious. Today, I am feeling as if I have gotten back my health. Things that seemed quite easy in the past suddenly became quite a strained on me. At times like these, that I regretted my own actions in destroying the good health that I've been blessed with. Sometimes fear gets to me so much that I begun to think about my own future generations and that what if they are not as blessed as I am now that I am in my prime?

Thanks to my dear that I've recovered so fast. He has been the sweetest boy I've ever met. Coming down to my place to make sure I am good..feeding me...watching the telly with m...heh..so much so that my parents are missing him when he was not here for 1 night.. thanks dear!!!

Such a dilemma

2006-05-17T10:38:00.000+08:00

I hate the feeling of being sick. It has been almost a year of sickness-free and now I am down with stomach flu. humph. The worst symptoms of fever, vomitting and diarrhoea, i had it all.

Worst still, it cost me to defer my new job till next mth. then again, it means i can nuah again!

I like the feeling of not having to wake up early and the only reason i wake up is because I CHOSE to do so and not because it is a MUST. I like not having to take the train in the rush hour with 830-start-work sardines who looks as sad and sleepy as I do.

I like the feeling of waking up not to any agenda and that I get to do the stuff i desire...be it a lunch with Dear, coffee with a friend or household chores.

I like the feeling of watching the telly as and when I want to..those programmes at weird timings..

I like the feeling of reading leisurely...

Only if I do not have to know that my bank account is getting lesser with each passing day...humph.

(damn, that is probably the only thing i miss in JAL)

I can't get this song out of my head!!!!!

2006-05-14T01:38:00.000+08:00

2006-05-13T17:05:00.000+08:00

I am missing my baby...it has only been a day without him that I am missing him soooooo much....sob sob....

At home now, listening to James Blunt's You're Beautiful while blogging. Today was supposed to meet Ron, Julian and Chong for lunch at Maxwell but it didnt happen and I was all dressed up at home...=( anyway, had a sleepy lunch with sis and now, with the after-showers weather, I am all ready to sleep..but I cant! I have a Soka meeting tonight.

Anyway, I had a long talk with sis yesterday night. It was about family, relationships etc. Sis was very happy and still am with my dear baby. He is such a dear!! I realised that sis is the very sister I have always wanted but growing up was a different thing I guessed. It certainly is a wonderful feeling to have your family members loving and supporting who you love.

2 more days and I'll be starting work with my new company. Actually as of 4 days ago,I have already bonded myself for amounts which I can probably buy 1/3 of a car with that money. Am I looking forward to that new job? Yes I guessed but judging from the last job, I am skeptical of how different it would be, probably just more flexible, which means alot to me.

Coming July I will be all alone in Singapore again. Baby will be in NZ studying, Sis will be probably be studying either in UK or Australia and Dad, Mom would probably be heading to Shanghai for work for god knows how long again. sigh. Me, will be stuck in SIN for next few months till Sept before I start flying again.

It is weird, mostly I am doing my own stuff when I'm home but yet, I dont fancy living alone. I like having people around me. Coming back to a home with people moving around, finding food to cook (Dad), watching telly (Sis)...after I started flying, I realised that I like staying with my family, I like the feeling of coming back to a home after a flight. It is almost an anticipation.

Anyway, baby and me had a talk about how things would be like when he heads off to NZ..We will miss each other badly, especially with me stuck here in SIN for a few months and god knows when I will get NZ flight..sigh..
but baby, I will be very occupied with my new job (that's good news!)heh..

right, time's up! gotta run.

My last flight

2006-05-05T15:56:00.000+08:00

My last flight with JAL proves that it was a wise decision to leave that company. Anyway, I took some pictures on board. More to come while Dear is scanning for me..heh..

In full uniform...

In apron which we change into after take-off until meal service is over. A rule : Never to enter lavatory with your apron. *roll eyes*

2006-05-01T17:42:00.000+08:00

FUck the japanese!

damn u shit hole. damn u big fat mother ass. damn u bloody hell. curse u!

for once, i have defended for myself. for once, i have stepped forward and confronted them face-to-face. for once, i did not reply with a "Hai" and swallow ur shit with a smile. for once, i do not have to smile at u after u spitting on me.

for all the despair and depression that i have taken in for these 9 months, i am so proud of myself today.

why have i allowed anyone, especially pigs like u to make me feel i am your dog? why must i swallow your shit? why must i still pretend i do not mind that you step on me? why must i still smile when u spit on me? why must i allow anyone to make me feel less a human than you? why must i allow anyone to make me feel 3rd class? why must i be the one to constantly accept anything that has gone wrong? why must i be polite to u when u are rude to me? why must i? why must i be subjected to all ur fucking cheebye attitude knowing that i am defenceless?
fuck u!

yes. i say this out loud today. why? because i just did my last flight to new york. i dun fucking care what you do to me. i have quit already!

Into the Sky once again!

2006-04-26T18:59:00.000+08:00

Fly Fly Fly..Spreading the wings of hope and soar high in the arms of the Sky. To live life to the fullest and with hope, bringing about joy and laughter to those around us. Work for the happiness of others and serve society with passion!!

Everything happens for a reason. Now, everything unfolds before my eyes to let me understand and see the reasons behind it.

I am just very happy that I aint jobless. heh.

let's fish fish fish

2006-04-24T15:50:00.000+08:00

My virgin attempt in fishing has caught me a fish!!! heh..it was amazingly fun and wonderful. Dear brought me back to his hometown again and this time round, we had fun in fishing, he, a great time in basketball competition and alot of makan makan makan!!! heh. i think i probably put on 1 kg or so. humph.

oh yes, our handsome hunk is so good at basketball huh. heh. i would love to shoot with him and compete 3 pointers! heh...okok, sorry sir, i know u win...
oh, did i mention about the girls screaming out for him on the court?? saying how shuai he is..and did not realise that his girlfren is just next to them? heh...

it's over

2006-04-12T12:39:00.000+08:00

It is official! I have tendered my resignation yesterday. 2 more last flights and it shall be over.

Having said that, I was soooooo happy to receive a call yesterday which would not deem me to be jobless! Thank goodness! The timing was perfect!

One week break before I start my new job!

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Happy happy happy! Dear bought me a sweeet gift...i have always wanted it but had been putting it off to buy - dual clock watch. I shall wear it for my last 2 flights and thereafter it shall be keep for 3 mths..soon soon, i can wear it again! this time round, to more destinations! yeahhhhhhhhhh

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As much as I probably would settle down in about 1 or 2 yrs' time, kids are still..... "2 minutes of orgasmic pleasure and a lifetime of retribution". heh..courtesy of mel!

My Mr. Right

2006-04-07T13:55:00.000+08:00

I have found someone who loves me just the way I am. Someone who finds my nonsensical behaviour cute..one who gives in to my every demand, even though he knows I am being unreasonable at times..just because, as he says "i love you". Someone who dotes on me so much so that he wants to give me the best he can, always thinking and considering about my safety and comfort, protecting me in every way. I find myself not having to be an alpha female anymore. I think I have always been an alpha female because I have not found a guy who is alpha enough for me. But now...I have!

I have found someone who scrimp and save on himself but is so generous when it comes to me. I have someone who waits for me patiently while I doll myself up, never had the slightest complain and even says he likes to wait for me.

I have found someone who makes me burst out laughing uncontrollably, in the way that my heart skips a beat and I can never be mad at him for teasing me.

I have found someone who support me the way I do for him and have the same view on what life has to unfold for us, the challenges that will come along our way in each of our lives.

I have found someone who will never cheat on me because he is such a person and not just because I am clouded by my feelings for him.

I have found someone whom I have faith in and trust that he will take good care of my for the rest of my life! A guy whom I can see a future with and feel excited and happy, whom I know whoever marries him is a lucky girl.

I have finally found my Mr. Right in so many ways.

It is true then that we have to meet so many wrong persons in our life to let us see who is the right one. Love is like a jigsaw puzzle, we have to keep trying and see which is the missing piece that will fit perfectly. Sometimes we have no idea how the missing piece looks like but with a rough idea, we try and try until we see that it fits nicely the way we feel
"This is it!"

Little boy with an aeroplane!

2006-04-04T11:56:00.000+08:00

yeah!!!! from today or tomorrow onwards, can see my dear on Channel 5!!!

the little boy playing with an aeroplane across the mini map!!!

too bad, i am in Las Vegas...

Trip to malaysia

2006-04-03T19:12:00.000+08:00

Yesterday, i had a very good time with dear in malaysia..we went back early in the morning to his hometown and i met his family members.. very relaxing and everything feels good..

i even had a ride with dear on motorbike around the place..it was fun!

after that, dear brought me to JB in his car..it was like an excursion..the only thing lacking was food...heh..traffice jam on the way back, nevertheless it was still quite fun with dear.

hmmm...yes dear, i think i can spend the rest of my life with you.. ;)

2006-03-31T13:32:00.000+08:00

A sweeeet collage done up for me!! Nice nice nice!!

Sky, me and sis had a big feast at Newton Circus a couple of days ago. Wow..the amount of food we ate...it is scary! muahahahha..and dear sky still wanted to order more....omg...hahahha

ok, let's see...on the table, we had :

1.hokkien mee (damn superb! i looooove it)
2.carrot cake -black
3.beef noodles - both soup and dry
4.cockles!!!!! (this was my favourite one of the night!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)
5.sambal kangkong
6.spicy clams

it was a night of satisfaction!!! heh...
The best part was all 3 of us had so much fun..talking crap and eating happily away..it certainly feels great when even family members like who i date.

Sophie's World...a must-read!

2006-03-29T19:23:00.000+08:00

I bought 2 very good books from Barnes & Noble when I was in New York:

1. Sophie's World
2. The Story of My Life - Helen Keller

My thoughts on the book on Helen Keller is in my previous post. Inspiring.

As for Sophie's World, it is a book on the history of philosophy through a little girl's eyes. I am still reading it right now. Till now, I simply love it! It is a must-read for those who have the faculties of wonder! For those who are not living their lives in everyday existence only..for those finds that major questions are still not being answered..For those who do not let habit of life overcome them!

Helen Keller..

2006-03-29T18:50:00.000+08:00

The most amazing woman i have "met". One of the most wonderful books I have read too.

"Love is something like the clouds that were in the sky before the sun came out...You cannot touch the clouds, you know;but you can feel the rain and know how glad the flowers and the thirsty earth are to have it after a hot day. You cannot touch love either;but you feel the sweetness that it pours into everything. Without love you would not be happy or want to play."

Through her words, I learnt alot about myself too. That are certain things in me that I have in thoughts but never had the right words to express them. Alot of it are our instinctive tendencies and it takes awhile for us to put them in words..Like what Helen says, "trying to write is like putting a puzzle together. We have a pattern in mind which we wish to put in words; but the words will not fit the spaces, or if they do, they do not match the design. But we keep on trying because we know that others have succeeded, and we are not willing to acknowledge defeat." - For this, i saw it happened when I was rushing through reports after reports for my projects in university and now, when i am blogging.. There are just soo many thoughts and things that I feel so strongly at times but they are all in my mind, to put in words, it calls forth my skills of articulation.

Like how I accomplish more things when I am less involved in work or how I would choose to do other stuff when I should be doing my work when I was in university...I realised that - "will not work joyously unless he feels that liberty is his, whether he is busy or at rest;he must feel the flush of victory and the heart-sinking disappointment before he takes with a will the tasks distasteful to him and resolves to dance this way bravely through a dull routine of textbooks." - this speaks entirely how i feel at times.

It is also the lack of time that prevents me from achieving those things I wanted to do. I am someone who needs time to think, to reflect,my mind and I. To listen to my inner melodies of the spirit, to commune with my thoughts. Yet, when I was in university, it was simply impossible to do that unless I skip lessons? One enters the portals of learning when in university, there is just sooo much to learn, it makes little time for one to think.

Helen has such strength and the right attitude towards her life. In her book, she wrote " I do not blame anyone......If they unintentionally placed obstacles in my way, I have the consolation of knowing I overcame it all."

I find familiarity and comfort in her words as she wrote of her difficulties in college and her learning of French, German and Latin. "Everyone who wishes to gain true knowledge must climb the Hill Difficulty alone, and since there is no royal road to the summit, I must zigzag it in my own way. I slip back many times, I fall, I stand still, I run against the edge of hidden obstacles, I lose my temper and find it again and keep it better, I trudge on, I gain a little, I feel encouraged, I get more eager and climb higher and begin to see the widening horizon. Every struggle is a victory."
- I think alot of people who have been struggling out there in various areas of their life finds this very familiar. Perhaps alot of us have seen this through in our life. I had this in my years of study as a student, as a young girl in love and learning to love through my formative years, my relationships with my loved ones..

New York this time round

2006-03-23T04:29:00.000+08:00

I'm back in New York again!

Somehow, this time round, i wasnt all that anticipating this trip..I think essentially, New York is a place where you just need to visit once or twice a year, when the snow is falling! Bryant Park is beautiful when it is snowing..

Spring is coming or is it here already that I can feel a difference? My fingers are still stiff from the cold..i wore the same winter clothes that i have from last month...same season..cant tell if Spring is here or not.

I am writing from this place call easyinternet cafe where there are hundreds of others using those hundreds of PCs..the charges are relatively cheaper with 2 options, pay as you go, US$4/hr or the US$5 for 4 hrs. Bloody. This place is far from my hotel though. It is at 8th Avenue where Broadway is nearby...and my hotel is at 3rd Avenue!!! Just that i badly wanna email my dear...if not i would be sleeping soundly now..it is 3.33pm 22nd Mar here. I just touched down 3 hours ago..with the time difference and the long hours of service on board, you bet I am tired..

But, the thought of wanting to email my dear and the sight of shops along where I am walking keeps me going!

I badly wanna come back here to be online with my dear but I doubt I can make it when the sun is up in Singapore!

Oh yes, there is a comic shop around the corner of my hotel that sells alot of favourites like Superman,Supergirl, Transformers, Spiderman etc...alot of figurines too..luckily I dont find anything i like in particular...if not, i think i would have burnt a hole in my pocket again!...I pray that I dont "bump" into any H&M shops.....pls pls pls...heh...

right, should get back to my cosy, warm bed back in the hotel....zzzzzz.........

Cherry, plum, peach and apricot

2006-03-21T08:32:00.000+08:00

The phrase "cherry, plum, peach and apricot" is the Buddhist view of human nature--that like the cherry, plum, peach and apricot, all human beings have their own distinct way of flowering and bearing fruit, their own way of expressing their individuality.

"The unique character of each person, country and culture must be respected to the utmost, and ties of friendship must be formed on an equal basis. Insistence on uniformity, the arrogance of authority and the desire to suppress and control others go against all that Buddhism teaches, and against the spirit of true education."The door to happiness can only be opened from within. The goal of Buddhism is to enable every human being to achieve a flowering of their inner potential, to cultivate the innate goodness in each of us. Education should share the same objective: the drawing forth of this inner potential."

Dear, for you as well, I will work towards that goal.

100 points!

2006-03-19T00:12:00.000+08:00

Dear just came over and had dinner at my place tonite..it was superb!!! Both my parents quite like him!!! heh...which is quite rare for my dad...damn particular and picky..always thinking every other one not good enough for his daughter..heh..

yeeeeeaaaaaahhhhh!!!!!! Dad cooked curry fish head and "pui leng" vegetables for dinner..then after dinner, we had durian..and i ate what i made last nite - jellyfish with top shell..
dear hor, ate damn alot..heh..he also ate my brownie that i made for him last nite..heh..wahhhhh...i liiiiiiiiiiiiike!!! can eat so much like me..but at least huh, i know where my food go to leh..for him, dunno where it goes to!! humph!!

after that, for some reasons, my parents retreated to their room..and the whole house machiam ours ah! heh..no lor, dun anyhow think!!

Anyway, it was a victory coz it is the 1st time both my parents like my bf...heh...the 1st time for 3 or 4 years that i ever had a bf who can sit down and have dinner with my family!! so 100points!!!!! up ah!

Most importantly, i had a great time with him last nite..at our favourite place, we drink and we talked and talked and talked..alot alot about ourselves. It is definitely fascinating as we get to know each other better and the best thing is, how sometimes, the responses i get from certain actions of mine, is what i had always wanted from a guy and yet so far, no other guy is able to provide me with that! He is one big understanding guy! Understanding towards me!!! It is almost like a connection that lead him to my soft spot..I loooove him more and more!!

2006-03-18T04:07:00.000+08:00

Wooooohooooooooo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
compliments to Mel, i had to steal it from her blog..heh...wahhhhh..that is my dear sky in the above production!!! if only my blog can set the picture settings to bigger pixels...this is the biggest i can have! i would have it alllllll over my blog!!!! heh...pretty handsome dear!!! after all these acting and modelling, perhaps you wanna consider that as a career option??? heh...proud of u!!!

Arrogance

2006-03-17T19:03:00.000+08:00

"From the standpoint of our basic humanity, our nationality or ethnicity doesnt really matter. As a youth, the important thing is to look to the future and strive to contribute to the happiness of others. Just do your best as a human being, in a way that is true to yourself."

"..National boundaries did not exist. People created them. Let us not forget to live with the awareness that we are linked together as human beings on a profound level that transcends national boundaries."

It is just tragic when we still hear educated youth today speaking ill of others based on nationality differences. It is easy to criticise others and mock them simply because we are more proficient in some ways, such as language. That is sheer arrogance. Singaporeans are very lucky due to our forefathers who insisted on us mastering both English and Mandarin. It is the environment that we grew up in that makes us who we are today.

Humility just isnt in some people at all. I wonder if such people deserve a 2nd chance as human beings even. lol. anyway, the law of cause and effect is very strict. we shall see.

what is my dream?

2006-03-16T05:06:00.000+08:00

:(

after so long, i am still perplexed about my career move. i constantly evaluate my decision about the move. As far as it was a few months back, i was pretty sure i wanted to move. And with all the rumours going on in the company, i am pretty sure it is wise to move. BUT....

I wonder if I am evaluating my move too much in monetary terms..that i forget about my own advancement such as mastering a foreign language.

I mean, yes..it is only silly of me now that more cash is placed on the table and i am not taking it but it will be a form of arrogance if i just consider the money. Of coz..we are also talking about more opportunities and more routes if i were to move.

We need goals in life-both long term and short term. When we strive to realise a goal, we are filled with hope and courage. Would mastering a foreign language in this company be a short term goal? What am I going for in the long term? What is my dream? - An interpreter?

i need to get these sorted out. If i were to move, it will be in a couple of months' time. I can't delay this further.

Photos photos!

2006-03-16T01:24:00.000+08:00

Finally i get to upload photos!! heh..

with dear at the airport before he leaves for BKK

Him and his big sunglasses..and me and my new glasses!

finally when he comes back.....

dear acting himself....

my cute dear with tay..i like this picture!

Human revolution

2006-03-12T16:38:00.000+08:00

i feel as if my life has shortened.

i feel this way after each long flight to or fro U.S....those irritating, troublesome and inconsiderate passengers..worst still, impatient..argh..

this job is a training ground for me to polish my character in becoming a better person, which is what buddhism will term as human revolution.

it is a constant struggle for me, and it takes less than a minute for one to decide what kind of person we want to be from moment to moment, right there at that very instant.

there is a very thin line between being humble and allowing others to take advantage of. For example, when a senior starts being bossy and all, i have 2 options. one is to retaliate in subtle way and the other, to swallow it down. The former feels as if "revenge" has been taken and sends signal that i am not one easily bullied. It can feel quite good but it is also the 1st step to becoming an ugly person.
The latter, on the other hand, makes one feel unhappy but it will only last for a while. with the right mindset and attitude, knowing that the law of cause and effect based on buddhism, one can be happier by choosing this option.

however, it takes alot of conscious effort to not choose #1 since it is human tendency to do that.

no matter what,only in my job can i really put human revolution and polish my character based on what i learnt in buddhism in practice. perhaps, in other jobs, i will be too busy and distracted with the technicalities of the job and neglect the most important thing in life, and that is character-building.

Frisco..

2006-03-10T06:27:00.000+08:00

I am in San Francisco now..blogging from the hotel...it is 2.25pm here...it is my first time here and i must say, it is alot alot alot better than boring L.A!!!!!!

I loooove it here, with the sun shinning brightly over the clear sky..not hot at all. in fact, it is coooold!!!! when the chill wind blows, i just wish i can hide in the arms of my dear Sky...heh...
hmmm...i am missing you so much dear...

anyway, so far, have gone to Chinatown and it looks like Hong Kong...ahem, the egg tarts are superb! or so i heard. heh..

also, went downtown shopping...with all those branded stuff like LV, Kenneth Cole, Banana Republic, Coach and oh!!! Levis' is fucking cheap here!!!! the sad thing about it is that they carry different from what we have in singapore. if not, i will try out in singapore when i have the energy and buy from here...argh...i was too tired to try on anything in the shop...and the funny thing is, i was looking at alot of stuff for my dear rather than for myself...but too bad, this month and next month are $$$ saving months..if not, i would have gotten lotsa stuff for dear. A good thing is he can carry lotsa stylish clothes and look even more stylish!!!!

oh yes, must put up photos of my happy moments with dear!! soon soon!! when i get back and upload!!!

Guilt...and conscience

2006-03-08T19:50:00.000+08:00

"Conscience is seen as the super ego, which is the internalised authority which represent the values that are enforced by parents. Guilt is the tension that occurs between the instinctual desires that stem from the ego and the values held in the super ego (Freud, 1961). The development of the super ego occurs during early childhood. The behaviour of a child is formulated by the external influence of the parents, and this behaviour is motivated by a fear of loss of love. But as the child matures, a super ego is created, not just by values of parents, but other relevant social figures. Guilt therefore is the internal substitute for the external punishment from a parent or society. One of the strengths in Freud's theory is that it accounts for not only behaviour that leads to guilt, but also thoughts. While behaviourists are mainly concerned with behaviour that contradicts internal values, Freud accounts for "sinful" thoughts that may lead to guilt. Since the super ego is unconscious, it can act on unconscious instinctual drives that may not surface to the conscience. Therefore the intention of a behaviour that is not compatible with the authority of the super ego also causes tension (ie guilt). "

Now......that is explains everything in words..

Who pays?

2006-03-05T02:28:00.000+08:00

The notion of who foots the bill in a relationship has always been popping up in my conversation with my close friends and family.

My sister thinks that the guy should always foot the bill and it disturbs her when the guy doesnt. Well, for me, perhaps it is because I have mostly, if not always, gone Dutch, that it disturbs me for the guy that I am dating to foot for everything. It makes me feel almost weak, obligated, bad and in some cases, embarrassed. I just cant accept it. But, that doesnt mean I dont want a guy to pay. In fact, I would think it will be nice and gentlemanly for the guy to foot the bill. Just not for everything. Yes, perhaps girls may think i am being stupid..but i think it is unfair for the guy to pay for everything.

Having said that, for guys who are just stingy to pay for anything on dates, i think girls should just dump them! Why the contradiction then?

Well, it is the spirit of generousity on the part of guys and not the money that matters. Even if a guy does not earn much, I think, being willing to give, to pay, to spend, says alot about how much this girl means to you.

Many says that one has to set the tone for the relationship. "If you start to pay in a relationship, it will continue that way all the way till even marriage.."
hmm...i am not sure..yes, definitely a tone has been set but things change. Environment of a person changes, circumstances change and so do finances. If, by the time of marriage, my husband cannot afford to pay, then perhaps, we are not ready for marriage?

Argh. I live by what I am comfortable with.

I.......................

2006-02-23T09:58:00.000+08:00

I.......I.....am in love...

yes...i think i found the guy for me...nonoo...it's too early to tell..but after soo long, I found a guy i know i can be serious with.....the cutest, nicest, coolest guy in the whole wide world! Ok, probably as far as to the States and back.. =p

I didnt expect this..

As much as I am in love, I dont know if things can work out but I am willing to try, willing to give my best shot, as I had for my previous 5 yr relationship coz something tells me this guy is gonna be worth it!

Lucky me!!

2006-02-19T03:12:00.000+08:00

Thanks friends! I am constantly reminded about how lucky I am with having the best job in the world! I always hear about others complaining about their jobs and how sucky their colleagues are. Hmm..i wont say mine is a bed of roses, I also have my fair share of struggles and difficulties but I guessed it is bearable for me especially when I dont have to face those problems everyday from 9am -6pm, 7 days a week. Plus, whenever it annoys me, I just have to bear with it for 16hours at the most. Thereafter, sleep, shopping and food takes everything away!

On the other hand, I am also disturbed by the short life span of this job which comes along with age, economy downturn,forces of nature etc.

My trip this time was to NYC and I was affected by the snow storm in NYC. Not that badly affected but flight was delayed for more than 4 hours.

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Oh, Happy belated Valentine's Day to all. Almost forgot about it. heh.
This year was one of the rare chances for me as I am single. Previous years since the age of 17 were always spent with a special one. But guessed what? I received a little something special still! It was a kinky present from my dearest sister! Heh..
Although i spent it as a single but i didnt feel like it bothers me at all. In fact, because of the time difference in US, i spent FEb 14th twice! It didnt hurt to be single and I am very happy with the way I feel about myself, my life, my family and my circle of friends! And I know, I am very comfortable with the way things are now. Of course, having a special one in my life is most welcomed but if the right guy doesnt appear, it doesnt quite matter actually. And for how I feel, I hope many singles out there will be as happy as me!

Life..

2006-02-06T22:11:00.000+08:00

Just touched down from L.A and was so surprised by who I met at the airport. Relax! Not any of my ex. hahahahha. It was Ah Beng. Adrian. My good Bah Guk Teh friend. Apparently he was at the side, where all of us stewardesses were standing and waiting for our cargo bags to be out at the baggage belts, waiting for his surf board to be out. He has just got back from Bali. The shocking news is that he is heading to work in KL for 1 or 2 years.

Sigh. Alot of my frens are moving out of Singapore. Talk about globalisation huh. Ron is heading to work in Hong Kong, Ah Beng is going to KL, my parents will be heading to Shanghai for god knows how long. Me and my sis are moving around the globe.

On my this trip, I had the hardest time in L.A hotel, missing my family back in Singapore. I was imagining lotsa of things and for some reason, I missed them alot. I never get this before and it has never hit me so bad. So bad that I had to called home to check and hear for myself that everything was still the same. It hit me so bad that I cried the moment I hear my Daddy's voice.

My daddy has been the best Dad over the past year. Perhaps it was because of a combination of factors. One was age, that he had come to realise that giving for your family satisfy and makes him happy. Another reason was probably that me and my sis are not always around. I totally love the way my dad is now. So family-giving. So loving. It makes me feel so happy when i am around with my family in singapore.

One of the things I want to write about here is kinda of an answer/reply to a gal's blog.It's regarding the losing of loved ones, or anyone we have come to contact with, and also with regards to life by and large. It's my 2 cents worth which i learnt from buddhism. i know she is probably reading this so here it goes :

" How should we comprehend Life? Life has enormous diversity. It is rich and filled with energy. At the same time, it operates according to certain laws and has a definite rhythm. Life is also free and unfettered. It contains everything in the universe. Every living creature. The word Life is a contemporary word that give a unified expression to all dimensions. Universe is Life itself and that life, together with the universe, has always existed and will continue eternally. An analogy would be like the water in a teacup. It represents the universe. When the wind blows, it creates ripples on the water's surface. Those ripples are our lives. They represent one of the workings of the life of the universe. Therefore if the wind disappears, the ripples, too, will disappear, and the water will return to its original state. So, therefore, our life, we live as a ripple is created and when we die, it's like returning to the ocean. But this continues eternally, so our life, like the ripple and the water, continues eternally. It explains the past, present and future. It is like when we wake up in the morning, we resume our activities based on the same mind as the previous day. In the same way, in each new existence we are destined to live based on the result of the causes created in our previous lives.

Rather than fused with the universe, we are the life of the universe itself. And that life itself causes changes.

Vaclav Havel, president of the Czech Republic (and formerly of Czechoslovakia) asked what was necessary for democracy today to revitalise humanity. He suggested that the democratic societies were afflicted with materialism and the denial of any kind of spirituality. He presented his conclusion and that is, if democracy is not only to survive but to expand successfully and resolve those conflicts of cultures, then it must discover and renew its own transcendental origins. It must renew its respect forthat nonmaterial order which is not only above us but also in us and among us, and which is the only possible and reliable source of man's respect for himself, for others..."

For one thing I have learnt after much reading, and that, with all the struggles and problems we face in our lives, it is the reality. With practising in buddhism, we gain a perspective that we see our problems and sufferings as insignificant and as tiny as a piece of flotsam in the vast ocean. But true buddhism doesnt stop here. We then go on back to reality of daily life and society, facing those challenges and overcome them. We show actual proof from these and help others be happy by guiding them too.

Over the past few months or has it been more than half a year, I can feel my life moving in a more positive direction and has never been clearer about my life and has never been happier.

I have set for myself new year resolution and that includes not to touch cigarettes completely. Proud to say, I have been good so far and it can only get better.

I am also very clear about my perspectives towards relationships and I feel totally fulfilled with being single and I have also managed to come to terms with my past and am ready to accept, forgive myself and move on. I am glad I am healthy again.

What I want to say is that, there is always a reason for something to happen. I think to lose our loved ones, it teaches us to love, to feel those extreme feelings, to enable us to understand how others who are going through the same thing as we did and that we can empathise and help them too.

For one, I would like to say and would only mention this once. I am glad Mark is happy. =)

Photos, photos and photos!

2006-01-20T02:35:00.000+08:00

Finally, my photos are up..I've uploaded those from my trip last month..From KL and those weird ones I took from Narita.

Still up and coming are my favourite shots from New York! In Dec, it started to snow but a pity, I didnt get to catch any of those falling snow. It snowed the day before I got there. Still, the streets of New York are still white!

Also, with the Twin Towers down, the tallest building standing in NYC is the Empire State Building.

I've also caught some shots of the Bryant Park that we always see on TV. It was so cold and you still have young punks ice-skating. It was near Christmas then..crowded!!!

And of course, who can forget the best store - Macy's and Victoria's Secret!!!!!!!!!!!!

Then again, my favourite is still H & M which I bought so much this month!! Spent almost US$100 alone in that shop!!

Oh, and then, there is Broadway which you have all the musicals and plays..crowded i must say.

As for this month, I had bagels for breakfast..and coffee. It was simply delicious!!!

it was tooooo cold..It was -3 degrees manz! See how I wrapped myself up..and I even had froze-bite fingers.

My 2nd day was a brave one! Heh..I brave the cold and walked for 3 hours down to Chinatown. I could have taken the subway which will only take 15 mins for me but I liked New York soooo much that I really enjoy walking, especially in the cold. Nothing much at Chinatown. It was more of the walk that I had enjoyed. Chinatown was along Canal Street and there, I took some shots..

Funny how they have a Singapore Cafe..the worst is, the chinese word for Singapore is written wrongly!!

I took this shot Joe's Shanghai coz this is one of the places I ate with the Japanese guy on my first trip to New York. The people there were so curious about us. We were speaking English, Mandarin and Japanese in our conversation..and I had our food ordered in Cantonese and Chinese too! They were sooo curious that they started asking about where we are from. Not that there were few Japanese in New York. I tell you, the Japanese are everywhere!!!!

Across Chinatown is Little Italy. See the lights?

I tried to have the best shot but the crowd at Chinatown didnt allow me to. =(

Oh, and here's what I saw too..all too familiar?

And the last here, is just how I look like with my new haircut when hair is all bunned up. Behind, is the messy room which I am still cleaning up..heh..

That's my 2 months' worth of photos so far.

2006-01-20T02:22:00.000+08:00

It's the winter season everywhere!!! I think most of my friends are thinking I am crazy coz I looooove the cold weather! See the big change below...

Outside Marroad Hotel... on a good day

A snowy, hazy outside Marroad hotel at Narita

At Narita..

2006-01-20T02:13:00.000+08:00

sashimi anyone? My all-time fav dish whenever I am at Narita. It's just 400 Yen. (S$6.00)

Siamese strawberries? The strawberries are really sweet in Japan, especially with milk dip! Not cheap though. vary from 500 Yen (S$7.50) - 1050 Yen (S$15.75) for a packet. I had a small pack and guessed what I found? Siamese strawberries!!!

2006-01-20T01:44:00.000+08:00

grand wardrobe

Comfortable and classy manz!!!

2006-01-20T01:29:00.000+08:00

Le Meridien Kuala Lumpur has the best hotel so far...simply the most comfortable..the bed..oooh...anyway, got some shots of it..

Opening the grand door...

it's only the toilet!

woooooo.....

Hola!

Twist with a lemon

2006-01-14T18:05:00.000+08:00

My recent conversation with Jez has forced me to look at why date and why not date Singaporean men. I may not have dated alot of nationalities compared to some but of an average Singaporean girl, I think it would be considered quite a variety.

Dating a guy of different nationalities is a novelty I would say. One gets excited and extremely interested in knowing and understanding the differences in cultures, practice and language..especially for someone like me who is totally fascinated by a different language. Yet, knowing and learning does not equal to accepting and adopting them as my own. There are certain aspects of a culture that I find myself not be able to accept;due to my upbringing in Singapore I guessed and also the values I inherently believe in. It doesnt help that some aspects of these cultures I vehemently oppose to..it certainly doesnt help in a relationship and then that is where I think that, perhaps there is no future in a relationship of this sort.

Although a novelty, it is also about moving out of our comfort zone when dating other nationalities. Obviously, the differing cultures can make one uncomfortable with what we have been used to and what we can expect from our own nationality. One will know what to expect when dating a fellow Singaporean such as Singlish, the common understanding of how growing up is like at home, the food we eat..the places to club etc. Then again, when we look into the future, even when one is able to move out of our comfort zone and thus expand our comfort zone further, will we be able to be comfortable with this for the rest of our life? What if someday, down the road, we finally realised that I want to return to what have been familiar to be for 20 years? Such is the dilemma.

Much had been said my many about the complaints of Singaporean men and I think I shall not add on here. Just one thing that ticks for me and that is being a gentleman, or one who knows how to treat a lady. Once, on a date with a Japanese guy back in New York, we were having a western meal and he had ordered a plate of grilled fish. While squeezing his lemon on his fish, he had his hands covered to keep it away from me. I noticed that and was totally impressed. It may seem to be a trivial matter but it was my first time having a meal with a guy who does that. Anyway, it is the little things of this sort that makes a guy a gentleman.

So, the next time you have a meal with a girl, cover while squeezing your lemon, please.

May the Fragrant Laurels of Happiness Adorn Your Life

2006-01-12T02:05:00.000+08:00

I am a flower that blooms with dignity,

Undeterred by the pounding rain!

I will share my smile

With my friends!

If you are cowardly and weak,

You cannot protect others.

In the end, you'll only see a pitiful self,

A person with no compassion.

Only by triumphing

Over your own sorrows,

Can you understand

The dark despair and pain of others.

Because you refuse to be defeated

By your own weaknesses,

You can help others

To overcome their sufferings.

Be strong! Ever strong!

These are the crucial watchwords

In your efforts to open the door

To the palace of happiness.

Say goodbye to sad songs,

Win over your weak tendencies,

And never succumb to deception.

You must know a self

That never betrays justice or truth.

Faith is not wallowing in self-pity;

It is being absolutely victorious in life!

~ Daisaku Ikeda~

A walk down memory lane..

2006-01-12T01:53:00.000+08:00

I have been unpacking for the last couple of days since I've got back from L.A..time to get everything ready for the Chinese New Year! Soon, my newly done up room shall be ready!!!

Going through all my stuff, I find old letters, cards, gifts, soft toys, diaries...everything! Starting from my Primary school days, I am surprised to find letters from those little crushes I had and those whom I cant remember them at all..I also kept a soft toy from Mr Soh, whom I still keep in close contact currently.

Letters and cards from friends of my Secondary school..it brings back memories of how I felt then, the close friendship I had..and all that was good before I was plunged into romance. Looking back, I realised how much my best friends and I have grown and how far we have come but to know that we are still as close as before puts a smile on my face and my life too!
There were also evidences of those crazy little stuff that we all do during our secondary school days..well, what can I say..I came from a Convent!

Then there was JC where I met my other close girlfriends and how time has allowed me to know who stayed and who didnt. It was also here that I found someone whom I loved for many years. There were lotsa letters exchanged, cards..everything..from even when we were having lessons to sharing what is going on in our families.. Honestly, too much and too long a history for one to forget. But, no regrets.

These memories just reminded me of how wonderful my friends have stood by me over the years and I'm not sure if it is ever enough to thank them.

In Her Shoes...& my new ones too!!!

2006-01-08T23:59:00.000+08:00

Just realised that this is not out yet in Singapore. I've watched this on my way as a passenger back to Singapore yesterday from Tokyo.

Fabulous. At least for me.

Movies like these are only good if one can relate to them. This movie touched me so much that I was tearing like a heart-broken girl. I like it!

Speaking of which, I bought a couple of pretty shoes/heels from L.A!!!!

Why I am still single

2005-12-31T23:04:00.000+08:00

Last night, I was out on a date. We havent met each other before. Except that we could roughly make out how the other party looks like based on pictures from Friendster. It's weird . Totally weird. It's so unlike me.... I just set myself up on a blind date!!!! Gosh. Anyway, my date was close to what I had wanted in a guy. He was tall, nice built. (goes to gym often) and from all those SMS, he has quite a sense of humour. I was hopeful.

We agreed to meet for dinner and drinks. For once, I was in a black dress...all dolled up with that barbie hairdo. It was exciting if you ask me, not knowing what to expect. (My appetite for risk is getting higher)
...........................

Verdict : It was BAD.

Why?

1)He was late. I waited for more than half an hour. Didnt you guys know that being late for a date, especially a first date is a big NO? Not that I had never make anyone wait. But for a first date?

2)Dinner was quiet. He couldnt hold a good conversation without having me to repeat what I said. Maybe it was a first meeting and all..shy..whatever but my idea of a good first date is to at least hold a decent enough conversation and not keep to your food. (Usually, that's what i do)

3)Adjourned for drinks...I was thinking things would change...probably open up with the effects of alcohol? Then I realised, he was into chinese songs...Sense of humour was different..there was really NOTHING to talk about.

Lessons learnt : DO NOT set yourself on blind dates! hahahahha...
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------

Me says: tell me, when with xxx, do u feel in love?

pal says: like how?

Me says: hmm..u know, that u know ure happy..that u really like or love this person....that u think u can overcome alot of things with that person

Me says: i dunno...i think i dun even know what in love is

pal says: that's faith

Me says: faith in a person? faith in a person makes me want to love that person and not just feel in love?

pal says: you need to meet someone who really loves you and you can love...also in love.

pal says: haven't you felt that you won't regret if you marry the guy you go out?

Me says: hmmm....so far, i did feel that once...it was my first bf...i was 17? we were together for 5 years. until now, i think i wont regret. but...

Me says: i know he is not enough for me. Not regretting and feeling inadequate is different.

--------------------------------------------

2005-12-31T22:42:00.000+08:00

THE artist is the creator of beautiful things.

To reveal art and conceal the artist is art's aim.

The critic is he who can translate into another manner or a new material his impression of beautiful things.

The highest as the lowest form of criticism is a mode of autobiography.

Those who find ugly meanings in beautiful things are corrupt without being charming.

This is a fault.

Those who find beautiful meanings in beautiful things are the cultivated. For these there is hope.

They are the elect to whom beautiful things mean only Beauty.

................

What Type of Flirt are you?

2005-12-25T18:48:00.000+08:00

Lisa, you're a Subtle!

Were you just winking at us? We couldn't quite tell... In fact, we think it's pretty safe to say that you're a Subtle Flirt — you're a master of the flirting game. You know how to attract attention from anyone, any time. A quick come-hither smile, a little game of look-away-and-look-back-again — before long you have the object of your affection wrapped around your little finger. One of the best things about your approach is that it's discreet. You can always act innocent and coy if something gets taken out of context or misunderstood. Just make sure you're not too subtle,
or you may end up playing the game all by yourself.

Heh.....More like I am master of deception! hahahah...deceive the computer....muahahahaha

Why are you still single?

2005-12-25T18:39:00.000+08:00

Lisa, you're single because you don't want to slow down

Whether you're working all hours, busy with school, or planning a cross-country move, it sounds like you just don't have time for anyone else in your life...right now, that is. Your timing may be off in other aspects, too. Chances are, you've met that perfect person who just so happens to be married or planning their own cross-country move. So take a step back for a moment. Is there something underlying this? Could it be you're afraid to get involved for some reason or another, and are therefore attracted to people who are simply unavailable?Whether you're secretly sabotaging yourself or not, try a little exercise. Open your mind to those who are around you (and available!) right now. Then let up on your schedule to let that someone in. That is, unless you want to get married to your goals, and not Mr. or Mrs. Right.

Hmm...I wonder if it's really true...Perhaps huh...I think emotionally I want to be out of this singlehood...yet, other aspects of my life doesnt quite make me ready for that..or issit the other way round? hahahhaha...moving on!!

What is your colour?

2005-12-25T18:27:00.000+08:00

You're green, the color of growth and vigor. Good-hearted and giving, you have a knack for finding and bringing out the best in people. Green is the most down-to-earth color in the spectrum — reliable and trustworthy. People know they can count on you to be around in times of need, since your concern for people is genuine and sincere. You take pride in being a good friend. For you, success is measured in terms of personal achievement and growth, not by status or position. Rare as emeralds, greens are wonderful, natural people. It truly is your color!

http://web.tickle.com/color/?test=colorogt

An End for a start

2005-12-25T00:27:00.000+08:00

The year is approaching to an end. It shall be a brand new start.

I have sorted out what I need to know and have already gotten it out of my system. Moving on, I am placing everything behind me. Looking ahead, I find myself smiling. Relieved of the torture of the guessing game.

From now, it will just be finding that meaning in my life... what I really want to do but meanwhile, enjoy the ride and do the stuff that is right in front of me.

The new year awaits. More happenings awaits too.

Change of image

2005-12-23T03:19:00.000+08:00

I had imagined Japan to be a place full of hot springs and beautiful blossoms and Japanese people eat only fish. But after living in Japan for a while, my image of Japan changed. I'm sure it differs for each season in Japan. But hot springs and all, one can only find it in rural areas..those we see on Channel News Asia. The Japanese eats all kinds food and the young especially like Western food. Of course, they still love fish. No doubt about that. And not just fish, but fresh fish. I guessed you can say that Japan has lost alot of its traditional Japan kinda stuff, which many of us are more interested in since that would be what makes Japan more outstanding than others.

We've always seen and thought that Japanese men are bossy and chauvinistic. The fact is, the older Japanese are still the way we imagined them to be but there are also Japanese men who are gentle. In fact, I had experienced this sort of guy and have gone out with a guy like that. It's a very pleasant feeling. Then again, once married, they may still be chauvinistic.

For me, I am in love with the Japanese language and it fascinates me with its different levels of speech, based on different level of politeness. Keigo, Japanese honorific is what i've been trained to use when speaking to customers, teachers etc. Mostly, I get confused by the usage of Keigo, Colloquial and more polite Japanese. To express the same thing, different words are being used and sometimes, we are not quite sure which is the correct word to use in the situation. To customers, it's easy. Just use Keigo. But to friends or just someone whom you are not close to, you want to be polite but it maybe too weird to use Keigo.

Even for Keigo, I just learnt that there are different types! - sonkeigo, kenjougo and teineigo

All these just makes me want to go back to studying Japanese again.

Emotions

2005-12-22T04:31:00.000+08:00

I made a major decision today. Cant say till the time is ripe. It will take a loong while for it to take place though. It's good news though.

Anyway, met up with Azahar today. We had a good time chatting this evening. The place was new to me and it was lovely, in fact. Very chill. I like. After talking to Azahar today, I realised how far I have changed and matured. Do you even call it maturity? Or issit just a loss of innocence? ha. I have become soo complicated.

I always always wonder how do we know if we are really in love? Is it the measure of how much feelings and how deep it feels that matters? Does infatuation, attraction contain that "I cant eat, I cant sleep, Just thinking of you all the time..your face, your eyes and what are you doing..The reach for the stars with you.."

I hardly know you, in fact, I dont know you. Yet, you appear in my mind all the time.

It's true. I have lost the innocence I used to have. What innocence left in me is the hope to find true love, and that, I will one day find it, regardless of my past. A person whom I love, loves me and able to embrace everything about me, even my dark history of which not many girls possess..basically, to love and understand a complicated girl like me.

Perhaps, perhaps. This is the word you often use on me. And I think, perhaps, you who always appear in my mind, is who I want you to be. The person I imagined you to be. Perhaps, and I think more likely or not, in reality, you are not the person I had imagined you to be.

Your responses keep me guessing. I find myself going back to "playing the field" in my replies to you, all to protect myself.

I want to know you. To get to know if you are really the person I had imagined you to be. Yet, I cannot and must not make this an obvious. Why? Because it seems brazen to do so. Yet, this is me. To go ahead and take the risk, just to find out for myself.

I have so far taken steps that I have constantly tell myself not to. I have given in to the brazen one inside me.

Sometimes I think, perhaps, you may not be the cause of it afterall. You came at a time when I am yearning to fall in love. To be in love with someone properly. Yes, that must be it.

As I am writing this, my heart feels heavy. I am sad. It has been a long while since I have felt this way. No, not because of you. It's the loneliness setting in in me.

How I want to feel deeply for someone! To fall in love and to feel that it's so right to fall in love with that person. To feel that there is a future for us, yes, a future for both persons, instead of always thinking of the future that belongs to me only.

I am impatient by simply waiting for you to make the moves. Yet, I know it is perhaps, as you always use on me, perhaps, wise to wait.

I understand and am aware that the special someone comes when you least expect it. Yet, I cannot pretend to not be expecting it when my heart wants to feel that skip a beat. To feel that rush of blood into my veins, that butterflies in my stomach.....

On the flip side, I am reminded of the freedom and advantages of being single now. I like that. To go out and have that anything-can-happen rush when I meet new men. With you, is that it? Are all these ramblings just a result of nothing happening between you and me yet? And for that, is it just me wanting to conquer something? To feel that accomplishment of either casting you into the categories of "Possible" and "Impossible", just like all the other men????

Questions..never-ending..cause I have not sorted out what I want - to be single or not? Then again, isnt this what all singles are facing? We dont have a choice , do we?

Gals' night out

2005-12-19T03:11:00.000+08:00

I was reading one of those blogs and her blog reminded me of the guys I met that night at Wine Bar.

It was supposed to be a girls' night out. Well, I met up with FJ and we decided to chill at Wine Bar or club, whatever makes us happy, after dinner. There, we met a couple of her friends. If I still had it right, it was 8 different friends in a span of 2 hours? Anyway, not only did she meet her friends, she also met her cousin who had all his traders friends at the same table. I say, I didnt quite like it in the beginning, (perhaps, the lack of alcohol) coz they were all man in their thirties! At the next table, there were people playing guessing game at the top of their voices, manz! How uncle can that get. But after an hour or so, we get warmed up and I did quite enjoy them digging at each other and how lame those can get. It began to be pretty alright. (Yeah, finally alcohol is kicking in, maybe?)

Then, there I saw, at the next table where the uncles were now gone and came this bunch of younger uncles. I called them younger uncles coz they were between late twenties and early thirties for some. Amongst them, I saw a guy whom, I thought would fit into what I was looking for. Decent, smartly-dressed..blah blah and I caught him checking me out. The natural response would be to smile, isnt it? It's just right next door! There they were, opening champagne after champagne...and by this time, we were getting ready to go in to Velvet. Just as I got up, he turned to me and offered me a drink. I rejected but in the end out of courtesy, I drank (or was it the other way round?)

Well, for that, someone gave me a cross remark...yeah..I thought he was over-reacting. Then again, I am over-reacting over him reacting, here I think. Speaking of him, he's not cute when I first saw him. The more we talked, the more I think he looks cute. It's his eyes. I cant explain it. But like what FJ said, I too, dont like that "heck-care" attitude that he has. Yet, as much as he seems heck-care, there were a couple of remarks that he made doesnt seem so. Heck, it's guys. I shouldnt be reading anything into it.

Back to Mr Champagne. We came back to the table after finding out that Velvet was packed. He was glad to see me I guessed. Ha. So, he took no chance and started to chat with me. I found out that he is actually Mr. Boring Banker. Now, being a banker, that is a major plus point but the combination, just doesnt quite make the cut.

Righteee....now now, when a guy says that "I dont want you to leave.." Does he really mean it? Does that mean that he actually cares? Shit. No. It shall end here and this is it. No more readings!

That loss..

2005-12-19T02:32:00.000+08:00

I am trying to be hopeful but I know I am not. How complex. Human emotions is complicated and complex. To articulate it is even more difficult.

My granny is in the hospital for about 2 weeks now. Before I head for New York this month, she was admitted and now, it's been 2 weeks. She's not getting better as I would have expected it to be, just the previous times. No, I cant kid myself anymore. In fact, she is deterioriating.

It saddens me so much to see her in this state. It makes my heart feel so heavy and I want to do something for her. The best would be if I could, shorten a few years of my own life to prolong hers, if only I could.

The worst thing is, which I fear and do not dare to mention anything is that, my granddad's 4 years death anniversary is approaching on this Christmas's eve. I fear for what may happen.

Yet, my greatest fear is also how I would be able to find that strength in me without someone by my side to support and lean on. Four years ago, I had that special someone and only to him that I was able to grief and cry my heart out in his arms as we lay in bed. I remembered that incident which I was so glad and felt so blissed that I had him.

2005-12-17T16:33:00.000+08:00

Great. My pal from Japan is getting married! I am sooo happy for her...one of my buddies when I was training in Japan is getting married all the way to France...

Woohoo! This may just be the first ROM I am attending! So exciting!!!!

Somebody pls...

2005-12-17T05:59:00.000+08:00

I just got back from clubbing...it's been 2 nights in a row!!! tired...

I was at MOS the previous night and tonight...was Wine Bar..ok, it wasnt entirely clubbing coz it was packed and so we spent the night drinking away..i'm glad i can hold my liquor..good enough to be proud of myself! *pat on my back* heh...

Shit...somebody pls slap me! I am actually having thoughts about marriage..

Well, I dunno what the hell is wrong with me now but I am actually thinking of settling down..Do me a favour pals, Slap me!!!! Oh wait, do me 2 favours. Slap me and find me a guy to marry! ha.

I guess for me, I'm still waiting for the right guy to come along. I already know what kind of a guy I want..Just come along! hahah. Yeah. Why am I having such ridiculous thoughts? I certainly hope it will go away soon!

Freezing New York!

2005-12-16T04:01:00.000+08:00

I'm back! Yeah!!! Just got back from New York. Manz. It was freezing..snowed there and even with my winter clothing and gloves, I could hardly feel my fingers! This time round, I brought my cousin's camera to take pictures. But I had a hard time trying to press the shutter button...coz I couldnt feel it! yes...it's that cold!

Anyway, havent gotten the cable from her yet to upload. Will do it soon. Not much of myself in it. Prob pictures from my mobile will have.

My trip to New York....was fantastic! Did I mention that I LOVE New York? heh...

Anyway, in NY, people walked alot. We could also take the subway but what's the point right coz it's like Orchard. Shops everywhere. So, mostly, you would walk and window shop and if you see a shop that interests you enough, you walk in. Or should I say a sale that interests you enough? Heh..

My day started even before shops were opened. I had an agenda. yes, never quite stick to it but i had one. Hahah..

I tried breakfast at Mac's. Too early for shopping and too cold to walk around anywhere else, I decided to try their breakfast. And, you know what? They have that biscuit-like kind of bread instead of the normal bread/muffin we have here. And I love that soooooo much! The only place i know we can get something like that is at the airport where they sell something similar to KFC. Cant rem that name..Anyway, so I had Sausage With Egg...it was yummy!! Coffee at Mac's wasnt all that good though but it was shiok to have something hot when you're freezing!

The worst part is that even though I could hardly feel my fingers with my gloves, I cant feel my nose too! Everywhere was covered up (yes,wore my boots!!!) face and the cold wind just makes me not feel anything at all! wow....soooo damn cold! For a miinute I thought my fingers and nose were gonna fall off...

Anyway, you know, New Yorkers are really friendly people. Of course, maybe it's me, the Asian chick that they are friendly to. I find people smiling to me and there was this guy who winked at me! cheeky. Till now, in my life, there has only been 1 person who did that...anyway, he's history..yup, so back to NY..there were weird strangers walking passed me saying that I look fantastic..how weird is that..no, they were not blacks in case you were wondering..

Times Square and Broadway is huge and crowded! I was walking around and for a moment, I didnt know where I was heading. Now, my pals who lived with me in Japan knows that I cant not know where I am heading and I am indeed a person who has to have a sense of direction so it was kinda scary to me that I was walking back and forth in Times Square!

Further up, I headed to Korean Town. Heh...yeah and had my authentic korean food. It was shiok! I had it on my camera. Will upload the pictures. It was a spread for me! The kimchi was good but I had better though. Too bad I couldnt speak proper Korean. All I know is the bad stuff...heh...contemplating on learning it..

Oh, in NY or should I say in America, one has to tip others and it's usually around 10% of what you have to pay for..but I say $2 is usually enough. That's freaking nearly $4 for us yeah? shit.

Ok, now to the interesting stuff..I did my shopping at H & M!!!!!! Heh..it was really cheap..I almost wanted to buy every single bit of stuff there..ok...the whole store then..minus the trenchcoats! Coz that's expensive! I bought mainly my makeup stuff..

As for Victoria's Secrets, I bought some g-strings the other time when I was in Los Angeles. So, this time, nothing much from there. But still, I love their outfits. Kinky! and Sexy!

I am contemplating on buying a 2nd pair of boots and this time...it's either from Japan again or probably from NY..I just simply love them! They look so stylish..and the funny thing is, I think I dress up better when I am in the States. Or issit just different that's all? Dunno. But I just know i love it!

The best part of all, whenever I am on my way back to SIN, my stay in Japan will be to treat myself to a yummy bowl of sashimi and I sure did! yummy yummy!!!! Now...i feel like having that again..and oh, I have learnt to eat wasabi with the soya sauce now!

2005-12-07T21:56:00.000+08:00

Hangover cures? I hope so! Ok, virgin mary shall be my fav!

Answers..

2005-12-07T02:10:00.000+08:00

As I reflect more on life and the events unfolded on some people, I am glad that I find my own answers in my bid to encourage others. I now understand what it means to grow with others and help those who are suffering. We often think of those we are suffering as experiencing physical pain due to unfortunate illness but i think the greatest of all is to be tormented mentally with problems in life. Problems of which Economics, Politics offer no solutions to, for they are daily problems of a person.

I say, in my encouragement to my friend : Our own life is a mirror of our own actions. If you think the problem always lies with the person whom u encountered and caused you to suffer in that situation, I say, your problems will not end there. Not even if you leave this person or this job. Because this person / job is a manifestation of what you have to go through. It's our actions that mirrors our life. So, no matter how one tries to act passively by running away from it, our problems will not disappear. In fact, we find ourselves being locked with the same problems wherever we go from there.

The only answer is to change ourselves from within. When we change and uphold positive perceptions, naturally our positive actions will unfold and one will be surprised that the situation changes, and we find ourselves gaining victory in the end.

But how do we have the ability to see things through and uphold positive perceptions and attitude? This requires us to base our lives on a sound philosophy in life. And I say, that is the purpose of faith, of religion.

In my words, I find answers which I have it hidden somewhere in me for the unsettling events in my life.

Too many changes in 1 day for my own good

2005-12-06T01:58:00.000+08:00

First, i woke up earliest today in weeks. Since work has started, on days when I dun have to work, my day starts at 4pm. yes..4pm..oh well, sleep usually kicks in around 5 or 6 am. Nonono..not clubbing..but just at home.. oh yes, only once that I went clubbing. Had the time of my life! heh. thanks to Baoxin! So, day started at 1pm today! hooray!

Next thing i knew, when i was getting ready to go out, my phone rang. twice. It was from our mother national carrier. Yes. asking me to go for another interview.. thanks ah. after all that has settled down in my life and you come calling me back again. Shit. These things happen all the time manz. Once you are settled, the past starts to come back yeah. Not for the first time. I hate it when it happens.

What's next? When I finally get settled down with a guy on my hmm..3rd night after wedding, an ex comes knocking on my door? LOL.

Shit. More to think about now. Oh well. I am happy the way I am now after I finally found my own answer and then you have to come back knocking on my door....

The last, would be....I finally...after 6 years...cut my fringe!!! heh...yes..I have had the same hairstyle for 6 years..of coz, in different forms..layered here and there..but never with short fringe..and now...finally! I look..damn different as said. Hmm..feedback has been good so far. Glad it did turn out well! Sweet. Barbie doll!