A broken smile

I finally understood.

I was looking through Wallflower's blog when I came across a comment on the Which Mask Are You Wearing post. It is said : A mask of utter indifference even when the world is crumbling slowly inside, the ability to smile naturally even when the heart frowns upon such deception.

Wallflower calls this the broken smile.

This word was used in the song She Will Be Loved by Maroon 5. The song that Mark said then that it was about us.

Finally, i understood. I was wearing a broken smile for a very loong time. Deceiving myself then that I was fine when the world was crumbling inside me. I was able to smile and laugh as a matter of fact, as if I wasnt affected at all by what was happening. To still be able to drink and enjoy my time at Walas. So, it was a broken smile.

See, the thing is, for me, it takes me pretty fast to know the mind games that people play at times, but yet quite some time to figure out my own feelings and thoughts. To analyse them all and put them into pieces and perspectives proper. Eventually, I would. But right there and then, at that moment, it's hard. I cant see it. I know what I'm feeling. Just cant see it. That's the problem with me. Perhaps those ability to see through others came from what I had gone through, observed and realised. There is a reason for everything. Sometimes, not just a reason, but many.