Men are bastards

I'm tired. very tired. emotionally, mentally and last physically. I have been going through emotional roller-coaster for quite a few months now. To be honest, it has been 3 mths? close.

where should i start? hmm. yeah, this will be a juicy post i guess.

i dunno where to start because i feel so tired, so drained.

i am both hurt, angry and sad. For what he has done to me, I should have shoot his brains out if I had a gun. Yeah, violence is what makes me scary. go ahead. I can be scarier. Be afraid of me u bastards out there, so u will learn not to be a bastard to others. Dont ask what he did to me. He knows, I know, the universe at large knows. The law of cause and effect in Buddhism is strict.

The love of my life is such an irony. I thought i met the one for me..everything seems so right..i almost settled down with him. No wait. I would have and I wont regret if he stayed the way he was when I fell in love with him.

Now, he has changed. He's no longer the man i used to love.

My good friend Mel has said this to me, "well, let's just say that we dont compare who's better or worse, let's gather ur energy and hope for a better one to come along. the next one doesnt need to be BETTER than these two guys, what matters is he's able to make u happy, in a different way..."

I sometimes pity myself. I give my all for the one I love so much but yet I hurt myself so much in the process of it all. For what? To learn what a bastard you are?

I certainly do not deserve all these.

The road ahead is long and painful but I will be strong. As what shaun puts it, i have to, for those who love me dearly.