It's been such a loooong time since I last blogged. I almost forgot my username or password.
I was looking through my lappy and realised my Flickr! account hasnt been used for a loooong time too. All my pictures were not up-to-date.

I am just too lazy and not really been in the mood to do so for the past one year. There has been this shitty thing on my mind. Yes. Shitty. It still bugs me from time to time. Oh well. I know I have to get rid of it. Soon soon.

Looking back, I realised how I havent been the strongest person I was in the past and how much it saddens me when I look back and realised all the good qualities I used to be proud of arent there anymore.

For one I am just too lazy...

it's tough getting over someone. it is almost like impossible. the wounds still hurting. the memories will not go away. the thought of the person seems to wander in your mind all the time. u want to hear from him. u want to hear that he still feels the same. but it's miserable when u know he doesnt. it feels worst when u know he has others with him instead of you. it feels even worst when u know u are miles away.

the physical distance remains the same between one in L.A and one in singapore but you feel further away from the other.

After so many years, i feel i am back to being jaded. walking around in circles. kept taking the wrong taxis. in the end back to where i started. only that i've been taken on different rides. the routes may differ and the experience on each taxi is different. through it all, i've grown and seen but still not smart enough to discern which is the right taxi to take.

it's time i should take the walk alone again. to see places on my own is alot less interesting but at least it is safer.

I will never have the heart to cheat on my loved ones. I dont even have the heart to lie to them. How can someone has the heart to do that to me?

Even till now. It's tragic. I dont even know what to say.

recently I met up with him for dinner. i shdnt have but i know i wanted to as well. i was trembling when we met up. inside me i was scared. i put on a brave front.

i admit i wavered after that meeting. Initially i was getting back on my feet, feeling stronger each day. no longer crying. But after we met up, he tells me things like he is not trying to get back, he is sorry..wants to change for himself and not anyone else and that he is taking my advice.

So i thought emotionally i was ready. obviously wrong. thought too highly of myself.

so now back to more confused by his pack of lies again. I cant really explain what is going on inside me. I know what is the smart decision and right thing to do but yet I allow myself to be sucked into his lies.

of course things came to this stage where he cant deny all but yet tries to cover here and there wherever possible. Just that I am so troubled by it when I cant see through what he is trying to do. I offered him a chance to get back. He didnt though. So, why want to tell me he is changing and all. Tells me dun play games. He is the one trying to play games isnt it? I dun understand.
Help....

yeah. To myself: This is the guy who cheated me right from the start..stringing me along with a pack of lies and now, what is he up to? Still lies. Why doesnt he just ends it when being found out? He doesnt want to burn any possible bridge for the future. But for now, just LIES. I certainly dont deserve a guy like him. Is quite obvious what we both want in life is different. We have different values. He is too extreme.

thank goodness i have really good frens to pull thru.

u guys are right. ppl like that chose to destroy their chance and regret later in life about what they did.

liars will be liars. just takes some time to see thru them. in the meantime, i shouldnt have given that much.

sometimes i think abt what values they haf because i live by my life with principles and values. A fren told me they have none. They are jus horny fucks who cant stop at 1. So i dun have to waste my time thinking WHY they do it and how they have the heart to do so.

a fuckedup life they haf i say. at least i am clear about my own life.

"just laugh and think..they missed out"

I am seriously disgusted with this bastard.

Cheated me right from the start and not just with one but 2 girls!

How disgusting can it get. And still denies it even at the very crunch.

oh well, waste of my time and effort. Am glad to have found out quickly.